Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts

Monday, June 10, 2013

Tell Them

I have lost three friends over the past week...two to cancer.  One friend died surrounded by his church family, his family and his friends.  He said he could literally feel the love from everyone.  The other friend died with her family near but refused to let anyone else come close.  She died angry and not sure that God, while she believed He exists, cared for her.  She hadn't 'earned' His love.

This is not a new story to me.  I've read it many times. I think it's appropriate for today.



Some 14 years ago, I stood watching my university students file into the classroom for our opening session in the theology of faith.

That was the day I first saw Tommy. He was combing his hair, which hung six inches below his shoulders. My quick judgment wrote him off as strange – very strange.

Tommy turned out to be my biggest challenge. He constantly objected to or smirked at the possibility of an unconditionally loving God. When he turned in his final exam at the end of the course, he asked in a slightly cynical tone, “Do you think I’ll ever find God?” “No,” I said emphatically. “Oh,” he responded. “I thought that was the product you were pushing.”

I let him get five steps from the door and then called out. “I don’t think you’ll ever find Him, but I am certain He will find you.” Tommy shrugged and left. I felt slightly disappointed that he had missed my clever line.

Later I heard that Tommy had graduated, and I was grateful for that. Then came a sad report: Tommy had terminal cancer. Before I could search him out, he came to me. When he walked into my office, his body was badly wasted, and his long hair had fallen out because of chemotherapy. But his eyes were bright and his voice, for the first time, was firm.

“Tommy! I’ve thought about you so often. I heard you were very sick,” I blurted out.

“Oh, yes, very sick. I have cancer. It’s a matter of weeks.”

“Can you talk about it?”

“Sure. What would you like to know?”

“What’s it like to be only 24 and know that you’re dying?”

“It could be worse,” he told me, “like being 50 and thinking that drinking booze, seducing women and making money are the real ‘biggies’ in life.”

Then he told me why he had come.

“It was something you said to me on the last day of class. I asked if you thought I would ever find God, and you said no, which surprised me. Then you said, ‘But He will find you.’ I thought about that a lot, even though my search for God was hardly intense at that time. But when the doctors removed a lump from my groin and told me that it was malignant, I got serious about locating God.

And when the malignancy spread into my vital organs, I really began banging against the bronze doors of heaven. But nothing happened. Well, one day I woke up, and instead of my desperate attempts to get some kind of message, I just quit. I decided I didn’t really care about God, an afterlife, or anything like that. I decided to spend what time I had left doing something more important. I thought about you and something else you had said: ‘The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you loved them.’ So I began with the hardest one: my dad.”

Tommy’s father had been reading the newspaper when his son approached him.

“Dad, I would like to talk with you.”

“Well, talk.”

“I mean, it’s really important.”

The newspaper came down three slow inches.

“What is it?”

“Dad, I love you. I just wanted you to know that.”

Tommy smiled at me as he recounted the moment. “The newspaper fluttered to the floor. Then my father did two things I couldn’t remember him doing before. He cried and he hugged me. And we talked all night, even though he had to go to work the next morning.

“It was easier with my mother and little brother,” Tommy continued. “They cried with me, and we hugged one another, and shared the things we had been keeping secret for so long. Here I was, in the shadow of death, and I was just beginning to open up to all the people I had actually been close to.
“Then one day I turned around and God was there. He didn’t come to me when I pleaded with Him. Apparently He does things in His own way and at His own hour. The important thing is that you were right. He found me even after I stopped looking for Him.”

“Tommy,” I added, “could I ask you a favor? Would you come to my theology-of-faith course and tell my students what you told me?”

Though we scheduled a date, he never made it. Of course, his life was not really ended by his death, only changed. He made the great step from faith into vision. He found a life far more beautiful than the eye of humanity has ever seen or the mind ever imagined.

Before he died, we talked one last time. “I’m not going to make it to your class,” he said. “I know, Tommy.”

“Will you tell them for me? Will you . . . tell the whole world for me?”

“I will, Tommy. I’ll tell them.”

Author Unknown
 
 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is.
1 John 3:1-2






 

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

My Friend



Yesterday we buried a dear friend of mine.  I will always remember Betty's beautiful smile.  Even in her last days when the cancer in her body made everything hurt her so, when you spoke to her she would acknowledge your presence with a smile that lit up the room. 

This was a year-long process for my dear friend.  She was diagnosed, for the second time, with breast cancer about a year ago.  She didn't want to go through treatments again, but her family begged her to do it and so she did.  She had surgery and then came the infection and when that was cleared up she began her treatments.  They made her feel so bad but she didn't lose her smile.

She came home but wasn't there long before it was decided that a care facility would be the best option for her, just until she got her strength back.  She didn't want to go...she wanted to be home, but she went and I think she appreciated the care that she received there.   She came home for a short time but had to return to the center for follow-up care. She never came home again.

Friends would stop by and always by her side, as much as she would let him, was her husband.  Max wanted her just to get well, and "to come home and take care of me."  What he didn't recognize right away was that she was.  She would tell him it was time to go home.  She would tell him to be sure to stop by the church and have the evening meal with us so that he had a little food and a lot of friends.  She would tell him to call her when he got home so she knew that he was safe.  She wasn't home, but she never stopped taking care of him.

Not that she minded caring for him.  That's what she promised to do so many years ago.  And she didn't stop.  Until a week ago, when she just couldn't do it any more. But what she taught him in this last year is that he can care for himself.  That the family won't fall apart because she's not there to hold them together.  She taught us all that there is a grace that most of us will never fully find.  It comes from a place within that restores and refills.  A place called love.  Seeing the bad, but forgiving and understanding.  Facing the challenges, but persevering.  Loving....through all of it...loving...everyone.

You can rest now, Betty.  Enjoy this new life you've just begun.  No more pain.  No more sickness.  No more medicine.  We understand your message.  I'm not sure we'll ever get it as well as you did, but we'll do our best and that's all you ever asked, isn't it?
 
So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.
2 Corinthians 5:6-8




Thursday, August 9, 2012

How Much Is A Miracle?





Tess was a precocious eight year old when she heard her Mom and Dad talking about her little brother, Andrew. All she knew was that he was very sick and they were completely out of money. They were moving to an apartment complex next month because Daddy didn't have the money for the doctor bills and their house.

Only a very costly surgery could save Andrew now and it was looking like there was no one to loan them the money. She heard Daddy say to her tearful Mother with whispered desperation, "Only a miracle can save him now." Tess went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured all of the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes. Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.

She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention but he was to busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!

"And what do you want?" the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. "I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages," he said without waiting for a reply to his question.

"Well, I want to talk to you about MY brother," Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. "He's really, really sick... and I want to buy a miracle."

"I beg your pardon?" asked the pharmacist.

"His name is Andrew, and he has something bad growing inside of his head, and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?"

"We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you," the pharmacist said, softening a little.

"Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs."

The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, "What kind of a miracle does you brother need?"

"I don't know," Tess replied with her eyes welling up. "I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But, my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money."

"How much do you have?" asked the man from Chicago.

"One dollar and eleven cents," Tess answered barely audibly. "And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.

"Well, what a coincidence," smiled the man. "A dollar and eleven cents -- the exact price of a miracle for little brothers." He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said "Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the kind of miracle you need."

That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed without charge. And it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well. Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.

"That surgery," her Mom whispered, "was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?"

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost... one dollar and eleven cents... plus the faith of a little child.
-----
A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law.

Author Unknown

Then said Jesus unto him, “Except ye see signs and wonders, ye will not believe.”
John 4:48




Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Being at Peace With Yourself Is a Direct Result of Finding Peace With God




Tom Dooley was a young doctor who gave up an easy career to organize hospitals and pour out his life in service to afflicted people in Southeast Asia.  As he lay dying of cancer at age 34, Dooley wrote to the president of Notre Dame, his alma mater.

"Dear Father Hesburgh:  They've got me down.  Flat on the back, with plaster, sandbags, and hot water bottles.  I've contrived a way of pumping the bed up a bit so that, with a long reach, I can get to my typewriter...Two things prompt this note to you.  The first is that whenever my cancer acts up a bit...I turn inward.  Less do I think of my hospitals around the world, or of 94 doctors, fund-raisers, and the like.  More do I think of one Divine Doctor and my personal fund of grace...I have monstrous phantoms, all men do.  And inside and outside the wind blows.  But when the time comes, like now, then the storm around me does not matter.  The winds within me do not matter.  Nothing human or earthly can touch me.  A peace gathers in my heart.  What seems unpossessable, I can possess.  What seems unfathomable, I can fathom.  What is unutterable, I can utter.  Because I can pray.  I can communicate.  How do people endure anything on earth if they cannot have God?"


And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:7




Saturday, April 9, 2011

What Are You Waiting For?


 

It is a beautiful morning here in Nebraska!  There is not a cloud in the sky, the birds are singing their various melodies outside my window, and there is a gentle breeze blowing the limbs of the trees.  In my mind's eye, this is what heaven must look like, only even better.  It makes me think about a friend of mine who is ill and unable to get outside as much as she would like.  She has cancer and will, in all likelihood, die from it.

You know, I am amazed at her outlook on life.  She is finding only the good things to focus her attentions on.  Even as her hair begins to fall out, she is excited at the prospect of being able to try new wigs and hats.  She's always wanted to try different hair colors; now she's going to do that.  She says she'll have a different color every day.  I marvel at her ability to find the good in everything she sees right now.  Her sense of humor is just amazing; she finds joy and laughter everywhere.  And I thank God for all the lessons she is placing before me.

Lesson #1.  What are you waiting for? 
This is the only life on this earth that we are going to have.  What is it that you need to do to make your life better?  Is there someone you need to make amends with?  Is there something new you'd like to try?  Have you always thought that 'someday' you'd do things differently?  Whatever it is, TODAY is the day!  There is no reason to put off any longer the things that you need to do to make your life your own.  It is a choice that you make every day, either you will or you won't.  You don't need to think about it any longer.  You don't need any more information.  Just go do it!  The difference between people who are living their dreams and those who aren't, is that the ones who are living them have chosen to take action on what they know is right for them. 

It is scary to step out of the unknown and do the things that you'd like to do or that you know you should do.  We feel safe and comfortable in what we are stuck in, even if it's not what we want.  It may even be bad for us, but it's comfortable, it's safe because it's the known.  The unknown frightens us. 

My partners and I have been talking about that very thing this week.  There are so many things to learn when you're starting a new business.  We are all (bite-your-tongue) middle-aged and so are not as "up" on things as we would be if we were younger, technology kinds of things.  Talk about stepping out in faith!  I am humbled every day by the lessons placed before me and just how much I do not know.  There are many, many times that I would happily fold it all up and put it back on the shelf to remain there until 'someday' when I'm more prepared for all of this.  But then the question becomes, just when will that be?  How will I know that I'm ready?  How will it be different from now?

You see, my friend didn't have any choice in this matter.  Her life was changed in the blink of an eye.  She didn't have the opportunity to sit back and contemplate all the angles and probabilities.  Her choices were made for her and she is doing her best to find the good in everything placed before her.  Her choices are limited, but she is making the best of each that she has.  She could sit at home and feel sorry for herself and her family.  She could choose to dwell on the limited time she has and make herself and everyone around her crazy in the process, but she is choosing to embrace her life, just as it is.

Most of us are fortunate; we have the ability to make our own choices.  We may not find them easy, but they are our choices to make.  Be grateful that you have them.  Seize the day and just make a decision.  Do whatever it is you need to do TODAY to live the life you know in your heart you are here to live.  Take that step of faith. 

My friends at Simple Truths have a wonderful video that I would encourage you to watch.  It tells the story of exactly this kind of faith and trust.  It's a short film.  Please take the time. Let me be your mother eagle.

 Even Eagles Need a Push by David McNally and Mac Anderson.  http://www.eaglesneedapush.com/

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Your Last Day


If you haven't looked today, you need to check out Going Like Sixty.  He has a very funny piece about daylight savings time there, but I'll go ahead and give you the gist of it:  instead of taking an hour from Saturday/Sunday, let's take an hour from Friday afternoon.   I like it!  Everyone's always in such  hurry to get to the weekend away from work and job pressures.  Why not cut the time from that part of the clock instead of the weekend?

And then my next email was from a friend.  This friend learned a couple of weeks ago that she has a brain tumor.  It is malignant and they will take very aggressive steps to stop the growth but, barring a miracle, she will die from it.  And I began to think about the two emails.  We take for granted that daylight savings time comes each spring and, though we hate losing the hour, we know we'll get it back in the fall.  But what if we don't?  How does it feel to know that you are losing an hour of your life to 'save the daylight' when you know your hours are numbered?

It is a fact that all of our hours are numbered.  The difference for my friend is that she now has an estimate of her time while the rest of us assume that we have lots of time left, and you know what they say about assuming.  She has a wonderful attitude and is attacking this thing and all of its issues head-on.  She is finding the positives in everything that she does.  I am certain that she must have moments of being frightened and unsure, but she is making every effort to keep those to a minimum and enjoy each minute of each day. 

I wonder how I would react if I were in her shoes.  I hope that I would find the humor in everything, after all  what is life if you can't laugh?  I would hope that I would reach out to those that I love and tell them all of those things that I hope I've always said, but louder and stronger than I've ever said them.  I know that I would sing.  Singing is how God and I talk to each other.  It's always been that way.  We do it in public sometimes and that is nice, but mostly we do it privately, just Him and me and it's wonderful!  I would want to be outdoors as much as possible.  Watching the squirrels (there are six in my yard this morning) and listening to the birds sing, watching the trees sway in the wind.  It's like God holding you in His hand.

These are the things I hope that I would do.  I, of course, have no idea what I would actually do and I hope that I never have to find out.  But we all hope for that and the reality is, as my son reminds me frequently, I'm in the downhill stretch of my life and it is very likely that at some point I will have to deal with health issues.  I like to tell him that I plan on living to be about 110 and, since he's an only child, we have a lot of good quality time left.

I just know that I wish for my friend everything that I would wish for myself.  I know that she probably hasn't even considered one less hour.  She is too focused on enjoying today with her family and friends.  She's loving everything about her life, even the tough stuff, because she is alive, for today.  After all, that's really all we have, isn't it? 

So, as you go about your Saturday, ask yourself:  if this were my last day on this earth, is this really how I would spend it?  Just something to think about.