Tell Them

I have lost three friends over the past week...two to cancer.  One friend died surrounded by his church family, his family and his friends.  He said he could literally feel the love from everyone.  The other friend died with her family near but refused to let anyone else come close.  She died angry and not sure that God, while she believed He exists, cared for her.  She hadn't 'earned' His love.

This is not a new story to me.  I've read it many times. I think it's appropriate for today.



Some 14 years ago, I stood watching my university students file into the classroom for our opening session in the theology of faith.

That was the day I first saw Tommy. He was combing his hair, which hung six inches below his shoulders. My quick judgment wrote him off as strange – very strange.

Tommy turned out to be my biggest challenge. He constantly objected to or smirked at the possibility of an unconditionally loving God. When he turned in his final exam at the end of the course, he asked in a slightly cynical tone, “Do you think I’ll ever find God?” “No,” I said emphatically. “Oh,” he responded. “I thought that was the product you were pushing.”

I let him get five steps from the door and then called out. “I don’t think you’ll ever find Him, but I am certain He will find you.” Tommy shrugged and left. I felt slightly disappointed that he had missed my clever line.

Later I heard that Tommy had graduated, and I was grateful for that. Then came a sad report: Tommy had terminal cancer. Before I could search him out, he came to me. When he walked into my office, his body was badly wasted, and his long hair had fallen out because of chemotherapy. But his eyes were bright and his voice, for the first time, was firm.

“Tommy! I’ve thought about you so often. I heard you were very sick,” I blurted out.

“Oh, yes, very sick. I have cancer. It’s a matter of weeks.”

“Can you talk about it?”

“Sure. What would you like to know?”

“What’s it like to be only 24 and know that you’re dying?”

“It could be worse,” he told me, “like being 50 and thinking that drinking booze, seducing women and making money are the real ‘biggies’ in life.”

Then he told me why he had come.

“It was something you said to me on the last day of class. I asked if you thought I would ever find God, and you said no, which surprised me. Then you said, ‘But He will find you.’ I thought about that a lot, even though my search for God was hardly intense at that time. But when the doctors removed a lump from my groin and told me that it was malignant, I got serious about locating God.

And when the malignancy spread into my vital organs, I really began banging against the bronze doors of heaven. But nothing happened. Well, one day I woke up, and instead of my desperate attempts to get some kind of message, I just quit. I decided I didn’t really care about God, an afterlife, or anything like that. I decided to spend what time I had left doing something more important. I thought about you and something else you had said: ‘The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you loved them.’ So I began with the hardest one: my dad.”

Tommy’s father had been reading the newspaper when his son approached him.

“Dad, I would like to talk with you.”

“Well, talk.”

“I mean, it’s really important.”

The newspaper came down three slow inches.

“What is it?”

“Dad, I love you. I just wanted you to know that.”

Tommy smiled at me as he recounted the moment. “The newspaper fluttered to the floor. Then my father did two things I couldn’t remember him doing before. He cried and he hugged me. And we talked all night, even though he had to go to work the next morning.

“It was easier with my mother and little brother,” Tommy continued. “They cried with me, and we hugged one another, and shared the things we had been keeping secret for so long. Here I was, in the shadow of death, and I was just beginning to open up to all the people I had actually been close to.
“Then one day I turned around and God was there. He didn’t come to me when I pleaded with Him. Apparently He does things in His own way and at His own hour. The important thing is that you were right. He found me even after I stopped looking for Him.”

“Tommy,” I added, “could I ask you a favor? Would you come to my theology-of-faith course and tell my students what you told me?”

Though we scheduled a date, he never made it. Of course, his life was not really ended by his death, only changed. He made the great step from faith into vision. He found a life far more beautiful than the eye of humanity has ever seen or the mind ever imagined.

Before he died, we talked one last time. “I’m not going to make it to your class,” he said. “I know, Tommy.”

“Will you tell them for me? Will you . . . tell the whole world for me?”

“I will, Tommy. I’ll tell them.”

Author Unknown

 

 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is.

1 John 3:1-2

 

Funny Grade School Exams



For all my teacher friends as they begin the new school year...

History Of The World According To American Grade School Student Exam Papers

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in Hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingrediants. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had Myths. A Myth is a female moth.
5. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
6. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death his career sufferred a dramatic decline.
7. Eventually the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for long.
8. Julius Ceaser extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made King. Dying he gasped out: ‘Tee hee, Brutus’
9. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
10. Another story was William Tell who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his sons head.
11. Queen Elizabeth was the ‘Virgin Queen’. As a Queen she was a great success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted ‘hurrah’.
12. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of the blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100 foot clipper.
13. The greates writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo’s last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
14. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
15. One of the causes of the revolutionary war was the English put tacks in their tea. Also the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colnists won the war and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the contented congress. Thomas Jefferson, a virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the declaration of independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, ‘A horse divided against itself cannot stand’ Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
16. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practised on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German and half Italian and half English. He was very large.
17. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.
18. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steam boat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.
19. Louis Paster discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Madman Curie discovered raio. And Karl Marx became one of the Mark Brothers.
20. The first world war, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Psalms 127:3-5

I Believe in You



Every good teacher (or parent) will understand this poem...

I believe in you
When you yell across the room
Or call someone else a name.

I believe in you
When you say you don't want to do
Something that you've been asked to do.

I believe in you
When you take the blame quietly,
Knowing it wasn't your fault--
Knowing that, probably, no one understands.

I believe in you
When you're bored and would rather be somewhere else
Having fun
But you buckle down and do your work anyway
And stay in school.

I believe in you
When the world around you makes bad choices--
But you don't.
I pray you never will

I love your red hair, blonde hair, black hair, and brown.
I love your freckles, white skin, brown skin, black skin, and tan.
I love you, not for what you are on the outside,
But what you are on the inside.

I believe in you when you try,
When you don't try,
When you turn the world upside down
Or try to set it right.

I believe in you
For who you were, who you are,
And who I know that you can be.

Sometimes I see your good manners, your caring ways,
And I think what wonderful parents you must have
And how proud they'd be if they could see you right now.
Don't ever shame them, but live to make them proud.
Bring them up with you before the world.

I've seen you hurt, seen you care,
Seen you stand together as a unit,
Seen your hands:
Your little, growing hands,
That went from holding toys in Show and Tell
To skillfully throwing balls through a hoop (or at the wall).
Those hands will someday be left in charge of the world.
Learn your lessons well.
I believe in you,
And so do others, though you may not know it.

Love,
Mrs. Barbie
Barbara Aldrich

The teacher sees what can be, what will be, if just nurtured a little bit, loved a little bit, encouraged a little bit.  I have been privileged to do just that with thousands of young people over the years.  I thank God every day for each of those opportunities.  They have all left their print on my heart.

 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127:3-5

What Do Angels Look Like?

Like the little old lady who returned your wallet yesterday.

Like the taxi driver who told you that
your eyes light up the world, when you smile.

Like the small child who showed you
the wonder in simple things.

Like the poor man who offered
to share his lunch with you.

Like the rich man who showed you it
really is all possible, if only you believe.

Like the stranger who just happened to come along,
when you had lost your way.

Like the friend who touched your heart,
when you didn't think you had one left to touch.

Angels come in all sizes and shapes,
All ages and skin types.

Some with freckles, some with dimples,
some with wrinkles, some without.

They come disguised as friends, enemies,
teachers, students, lovers and fools.

They don't take life too seriously,
They travel light.

They leave no forwarding address,
They ask for nothing in return.

They wear sneakers with gossamer wings,
They get a deal on dry cleaning.

They are hard to find when your eyes are closed, But
They are everywhere you look when you choose to see.

by Veronica M. Hay, 1990
Veronica's 'Angel' WebPage

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

Psalm 91:11

The Seven Wonders of the World

Junior high school students in Chicago were studying the Seven Wonders of the World. At the end of the lesson, the students were asked to list what they considered to be the Seven Wonders of the World. Though there was some disagreement, the following received the most votes:

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. The Taj Mahal in India
3. The Grand Canyon in Arizona
4. The Panama Canal
5. The Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student, a quiet girl, hadn't turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The quiet girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many." The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help."

The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:

1. to touch...
2. to taste...
3. to see...
4. to hear... (She hesitated a little, and then added...)
5. to feel...
6. to laugh...
7. and to love.

The room was so quiet, you could have heard a pin drop.

May this story serve as a gentle reminder to all of us that the things we overlook as simple and ordinary are often the most wonderful - and we don't have to travel anywhere special to experience them.

Enjoy your gifts!

by Author Unknown

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills.

1 Corinthians 12: 4-11

Christmas Is for Love



Christmas is for love. It is for joy, for giving and sharing, for laughter, for reuniting with family and friends, for tinsel and brightly decorated packages. But mostly, Christmas is for love. I had not believed this until a small elf-like student with wide-eyed innocent eyes and soft rosy cheeks gave me a wondrous gift one Christmas.

Mark was an 11 year old orphan who lived with his aunt, a bitter middle aged woman greatly annoyed with the burden of caring for her dead sister's son. She never failed to remind young Mark, if it hadn't been for her generosity, he would be a vagrant, homeless waif. Still, with all the scolding and chilliness at home, he was a sweet and gentle child.

I had not noticed Mark particularly until he began staying after class each day (at the risk of arousing his aunt's anger, I later found) to help me straighten up the room. We did this quietly and comfortably, not speaking much, but enjoying the solitude of that hour of the day. When we did talk, Mark spoke mostly of his mother. Though he was quite small when she died, he remembered a kind, gentle, loving woman, who always spent much time with him.
 
As Christmas drew near however, Mark failed to stay after school each day. I looked forward to his coming, and when the days passed and he continued to scamper hurriedly from the room after class, I stopped him one afternoon and asked why he no longer helped me in the room. I told him how I had missed him, and his large gray eyes lit up eagerly as he replied, "Did you really miss me?"

I explained how he had been my best helper. "I was making you a surprise," he whispered confidentially. "It's for Christmas." With that, he became embarrassed and dashed from the room. He didn't stay after school any more after that.

Finally came the last school day before Christmas. Mark crept slowly into the room late that afternoon with his hands concealing something behind his back. "I have your present," he said timidly when I looked up. "I hope you like it." He held out his hands, and there lying in his small palms was a tiny wooden box.

"Its beautiful, Mark. Is there something in it?" I asked opening the top to look inside. "

"Oh, you can't see what's in it," he replied, "and you can't touch it, or taste it or feel it, but mother always said it makes you feel good all the time, warm on cold nights, and safe when you're all alone."
I gazed into the empty box. "What is it Mark," I asked gently, "that will make me feel so good?" "It's love," he whispered softly, "and mother always said it's best when you give it away." And he turned and quietly left the room.

So now I keep a small box crudely made of scraps of wood on the piano in my living room and only smile as inquiring friends raise quizzical eyebrows when I explain to them that there is love in it.
Yes, Christmas is for gaiety, mirth and song, for good and wondrous gifts. But mostly, Christmas is for love.

by Author Unknown

I also have a box that sits under my tree every Christmas.  It's wrapped in old and faded paper.  The wrapping is not very pretty, nor well done as it was wrapped by a 4 year old boy some fifteen years ago.  There is a little piece of curling ribbon taped to the front along with a note that reads:   'This is a very special gift that you can never see.  The reason it's so special is, it's just for you from me.  Whenever you are lonely or even feeling blue, you only have to hold this gift and know I think of you! You never can unwrap it.  Please leave the ribbon tied.  Just hold the box close to your heart--It's filled with love inside! Love to Mom and Dad from Jordan' (my son).  I wish each of you a special love for today and each day to come!  Merry Christmas!

And walk in love, [esteeming and delighting in one another] as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a slain offering and sacrifice to God [for you, so that it became] a sweet fragrance.

Ephesians 5:2

The Heart of a Teacher

I always have a hard time, this time of year, with all the children and young people preparing to go back to school.  I absolutely loved school, both as a student and as a teacher.  I still teach but not in the public school classroom.  I love working with all of my students, but there's still something about that building, the room, the desks, and the bells that I just miss.  The feeling will pass in a few weeks, and I'll be glad that I am where I am, but for these next few days I'll reminisce and dream just a little while.

I came across this in my mailbox today, and I thought it was so exactly right for most of us who have chosen this profession.  Enjoy!



An excerpt from The Heart of a Teacher by Paula Fox

The child arrives like a mystery box... with puzzle pieces inside some of the pieces are broken or missing... and others just seem to hide But the HEART of a teacher can sort them out... and help the child to see the potential for greatness he has within... a picture of what he can be Her goal isn't just to teach knowledge... by filling the box with more parts it's putting the pieces together... and creating a work of art The process is painfully slow at times... some need more help than others each child is a work in progress... with assorted shapes and colors First she creates a classroom... where the child can feel safe in school where he never feels threatened or afraid to try... and kindness is always the rule She knows that a child can achieve much more when he feels secure inside when he's valued and loved... and believes in himself ...and he has a sense of pride She models and teaches good character... and respect for one another how to focus on strengths...not weaknesses and how to encourage each other She gives the child the freedom he needs... to make choices on his own so he learns to become more responsible... and is able to stand alone He's taught to be strong and think for himself... as his soul and spirit heal and the puzzle that's taking shape inside... has a much more positive feel The child discovers the joy that comes... from learning something new... and his vision grows as he begins to see all the things that he can do A picture is formed as more pieces fit... an image of the child within with greater strength and confidence... and a belief that he can win! All because a hero was there... in the HEART of a teacher who cared enabling the child to become much more... than he ever imagined...or dared A teacher with a HEART for her children... knows what teaching is all about she may not have all the answers... but on this...she has no doubt When asked which subjects she loved to teach, she answered this way and smiled... "It's not the subjects that matter... It's all about teaching the CHILD." http://store.simpletruths.com/teacher-appreciation

We Should Seize Every Opportunity to give Encouragement.

Encouragement is Oxygen to the Soul.

In Especially for a Woman, Ann Kiemel Anderson writes her sister:  "Jan taught 3rd grade once, a long time ago.  One bright-eyed boy would stand at her desk, watch her, talk to her, and all the while wrapping his finger around a piece of her hair into a little curl.  He thought Jan was the shining star in the night.  Over and over, however, he did poorly in his work assignments and daily quizzes.

"One day Jan stopped, looked at him, and said, 'Rodney, you are very smart.  You could be doing so well in school.  In fact, you are one of my finest students...'  Before she could continue to tell him that he should be doing much better in school...he looked up at her with sober, large eyes:  "I did not know that!"

"From that moment on, Rodney began to change.  His papers were neater, cleaner and his spelling improved.  He was one of her top students--all because she affirmed him.  She told him something no one ever had before, and it changed his life."

Nobody every became ill or died from receiving too much genuine praise and encouragement.  But who can count the wounded hearts, weary souls, and troubled minds that have resulted from their lack!

As we prepare for the beginning of our new school year, especially now, let's all remember that it only takes a little effort, a few words from us to make a difference in another person's life. 

A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth; and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!

Proverbs 15:23



Look Out!!!!



The most dangerous thing most people do in a typical day is get behind the wheel. According to the Centers for Disease Control, car crashes are the leading cause of death for Americans ages 5 to 34.  Globally, motor vehicle accidents claim more than 1.3 million lives a year, and cause 20 to 50 million injuries.  About one in five US drivers— 36.9 million Americans—couldn’t meet the basic requirements to get a driver’s license if they had to take the written test today, according to a shocking GMAC Insurance survey released in May. Kansas topped the list with the most knowledgeable drivers, while Washington, DC drivers scored the worst on a test of basic driving skills, based on questions from state DMV exams.

Think you’re smarter than the average driver? Here’s a quiz to check your driving IQ, using questions from the survey and other road safety research, plus driving safety tips that could help save your life from Charlie Halfen, a retired UPS (United Parcel Service) fleet safety manager who now serves as a driving safety consultant to companies and parents’ groups:

1. What’s the correct action to take when approaching a steady yellow light?

Answer:  No, the correct answer is NOT to speed up and race through it.  This seemingly simple question stumped 85 percent of the 5,130 licensed drivers GMAC polled. The correct action: Stop if it’s safe to do so.

2. What’s the number one driving mistake that causes crashes?

Answer:  No, it's not the good-looking red-head in the short shorts...well, OK, maybe.  Multi-tasking while driving, which is particularly a problem among young drivers. A survey of 2,300 teens around the US released this month found that 68 percent of them were involved in near-miss collisions in 2010-2011 due to distracted driving, including changing songs on portable devices with screens, cell phone use, and texting. The government reports that in 2009, an estimated 448,000 Americans were injured in crashes caused by distracted driving, and 5,474 were killed.

3. What’s the most common location for injury-causing car accidents?

Answer:  Nope, it is NOT Walmart's parking lot.  Intersections rank as the number one danger zone for crashes serious enough to cause injuries, reports Halfen, who has investigated hundreds of accidents. Drivers often assume that it’s safe to proceed if they have the right of way. However, it can be a dangerous mistake to rely on others to drive safely, given the high rate of distracted driving.

4. What safety steps should you take at an intersection?

Answer:  OK, just do your best here.  “Always look left, right and left again to make sure the intersection is visually clear before and be prepared to stop—even if you have the right of way—rather than risk an accident if another driver isn’t paying attention,”says Halfen. Since left turns are the most hazardous maneuver, he advises planning your route to make only right turns, if possible. This also saves money, by avoiding gas consumption due to engine idling while waiting to make left turns safely.

5. What’s the best way to avoid parking lot fender-benders?

Answer:  A friend said to stay away from those people.  I don't think he should be driving at all!  The correct answer is:  UPS teaches its drivers to back into parking spots when they arrive at a parking lot, instead of backing out when exiting, says Halfen. “While people who have never tried this may find the idea a little scary, once they do, it soon becomes second nature. You have much better visibility exiting a parking spot facing oncoming traffic—or pedestrians—that move into your path, compared to backing out and checking for hazards with the rear view mirrors.”

6. Which simple precaution saves lives if you’re in a car accident?

Answer:  Again, same friend....never mind, you don't want to know.  Make everyone in the car buckle up, no matter how short the trip. The CDC reports that seat belt use can prevent about 50 percent of injuries and deaths from motor vehicle crashes. Kids should be protected with age-appropriate child safety seats or booster seats until they are at least 8 years old or 4’ 9” inches tall.

7. What’s the safe following distance?

Answer:  OK, this is scary.  One of the high school aged kids said a mile.  Another one said 5 feet.  BEWARE!!  Only 25 percent of those GMAC surveyed knew the correct answer: three seconds. For an extra margin of safety, however, Halfen recommends a four second gap to reduce the risk of a rear-end collision if a vehicle in front of you stops suddenly. To check if you are at a safe following distance, start counting slowly when the car in front of you passes a stationary object, such as a road sign. If you pass the object before four seconds is up, slow down.

To take the 20-question GMAC driving test, go to:  http://www.nationaldriverstest.com/quiz. Thanks to Healthline.com. for all the great information! 

Be aware and come home, safe and sound!

The Seven Powers for Self Control

 

Lesson 5:  The Power of Love

See the best in each other.

The Beatles sang "All You Need is Love."  Thomas Carlyle said, “A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.”  Samuel Taylor Coleridge said, “All men, even the most surly are influenced by affection.”

When you Google quotations about love you get 173,000,000 hits.  It seems that everyone has something to say about love.  The kind of love we’re talking about here is the kind of love you have for yourself, first, and then the love you have for those around you.  It may be your spouse, it may be your children, maybe it’s your co-workers or your teammates.  All of these people require you to love yourself, so that you can love them. 

Why would it be necessary to love yourself before you can love anybody else?  Well, it’s really simple.  If you can’t love yourself, care about yourself, how can you know how to love and care for anyone else?  It’s impossible.  Love comes from within you.  It is a respect you have for yourself, because you know that you are valuable and worthy of it.  If you don’t have this knowledge, then you can attempt to love others, but it will be a selfish kind of love, more about you than it is about them.  You will fail in loving others when you have no internal foundation upon which to build their love.

We have to find a way to see the best in ourselves.  This means, as in Lesson 4, that we have to take a look at ourselves and determine what there is to love.  We all have good things and bad things about us.  There will be those things that you are really proud of.  You ‘love’ those things about yourself.  Make a list and post it somewhere.  The truth is we all spend more time dwelling on those things we don’t like, than the ones we do.  Certainly, we need to address those negative things and work to make them things that are now positive, but there are those things, even if it’s a very short list, that we at least ‘like’ about ourselves a little bit.  Remember, what you focus on you get more of (Lesson3) so focus on the good stuff and you’ll get more. 

Faith makes all things possible.  Love makes them easy.  No one knows who said this but it is true.  When you love yourself, it becomes a simple task to love those around you and when you love those around you, you are able to see the best in each other.  This isn’t something that just happens, however.  It is a commitment to look for the good.  As we’ve talked about in the other four lessons, it is always easy to focus on the bad things, especially in others.  It is easy to decide that they are the ones who need to change.  Finding others’ faults is relatively simple.  Finding the best in each other could take some practice.

I had a student in public school, fourth grade, who was a perfectionist.  If he didn’t get one-hundred percent on his papers he was determined that he had failed.  It was a problem we worked on for quite a while before he had a total melt-down one day over a math paper.  It was the first homework assignment on long division and he had missed just one.  Because he had done so well, I wrote a great big GOOD at the top of his paper with my signature smiley face embedded in it.  As I handed out the papers the next day, he brought his paper to me with tears in his eyes to ask me why I would put this mark on his paper when it, obviously, was not ‘good.’  I tried in every way I knew how to help him see that missing one problem, on something so new to him, to all of them, was a very good thing, but he absolutely refused to see it.  He had missed one, therefore it was bad.

When I talked with his parents about my concerns over his perfectionism, they shared their concerns as well, but as we talked it became apparent that his father also shared this perfectionistic tendency.  In fact, his first question to the boy was why he had missed that one and gotten all the others correct.  It was not a question intended to teach.  It was a question intended to belittle; “If you could get all the others right, why not this one?”  I learned very quickly that there were lessons here for the father as well as the son, and if I couldn’t help the father, I probably wouldn’t be able to help the boy either.  I have no doubt that the father never came right out and told the boy that his work must be perfect, but he said it in so many other ways  that the boy had very clearly heard and taken to heart. 

As with most of my students, I don’t know what happened with this one.  I hope that there was some easing of his burden after he left my room for the next grade.  I’m certain that he was very successful in whatever field he chose.  I hope that it was his choice, whatever it was, and I hope that he is happy with the work that he does.  As for the father, I doubt that I made much difference in his thinking.  He may have been a little less quick to voice his ‘concerns’ at least in front of me, but I am certain that he still holds the highest expectations for himself and his children. 

Expectations are not a bad thing.   In fact, I have been quoted as saying,  “Children will live up or down to our expectations.”  If we set them too high, then they become unattainable as with this young man and his father; no one is perfect.  If we set them too low, then we tell them that we don’t believe they are capable of anything too difficult and they learn to not even try.  It is a fine line that we walk in setting our expectations reasonably, knowing the abilities of our children, or our spouse, or our co-workers, and then expecting that they will live up to what we believe them to be capable. 

I have also had parents who were so afraid of letting their children fail that they ‘helped’ them with each and every assignment.  You know their work when it comes in, obviously not that of a ten year old, alone.  My son always complained at the Pinewood Derby  in Cub Scouts because we helped him with his car when it came to using the power tools but the rest of the work was all his.  Inevitably, on race day, a lot of the other boys would come with their cars that had obviously had a lot more ‘help’ than our son’s.  It was always a great day, when his car defeated some of those other cars.  We had told him that we believed him to be capable and he was.  We expected to see the best in him, and we did.

It comes down, as always, to choices.  We will see what we choose to see.  We will find what we choose to find.  Choose to see the best in each other, but choose to see the best in yourself first!