Drug Problem



The other day, a man standing next to me at a store in our small town read that a meth lab had been found in an old farm house in the adjoining county, and he asked me a rhetorical question...
Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?

I told him I did have a drug problem when I was a kid growing up.
I was drug to church on Sunday... morning and night.

I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.

I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.

I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.

I was also drug upstairs to my room or the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher. Or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.

I was drug to the kitchen sink if I uttered a profane four letter word or smoked a cigarette (I do know what soap tastes like).

I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and to clear cockleburs out of dad's fields.

I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline or chop some fire wood, and if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the wood shed.

Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack or heroin, and if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place to live today.
Author Unknown

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6





This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want..

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives...

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson!

SEVENTEEN . Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY... Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE... Spend some time alone.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
Anthony Robbins

(Thanks Aunt Phyllis!  I needed this today!)

Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been fathered by God and knows God. The person who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

I John 4:7-8

Words Of Great Wisdom



1. Rise with the sun to pray. Pray alone. Pray often. The Great Spirit will listen, if you only speak.

2. Be tolerant of those who are lost on their path. Ignorance, conceit, anger, jealousy and greed stem from a lost soul. Pray that they will find guidance.

3. Search for yourself, by yourself. Do not allow others to make your path for you. It is your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.

4. Treat the guests in your home with much consideration. Serve them the best food, give them the best bed and treat them with respect and honor.

5. Do not take what is not yours whether from a person, a community, the wilderness or from a culture. If it was not earned or given, it is not yours.

6. Respect all things that are placed upon this earth - whether it be people or plant.

7. Honor other people's thoughts, wishes and words. Never interrupt another or mock or rudely mimic them. Allow each person the right to personal expression.

8. Never speak of others in a bad way. The negative energy that you put out into the universe will multiply when it returns to you.

9. All persons make mistakes. And all mistakes can be forgiven.

10. Bad thoughts cause illness of the mind, body and spirit. Practice optimism.

11. Nature is not FOR us, it is a PART of us. They are part of your worldly family.

12. Children are the seeds of our future. Plant love in their hearts and water them with wisdom and life's lessons. When they are grown, give them space to grow.

13. Avoid hurting the hearts of others. The poison of your pain will return to you.

14. Be truthful at all times. Honesty is the test of ones will within this universe.

15. Keep yourself balanced. Your Mental self, Spiritual self, Emotional self, and Physical self - all need to be strong, pure and healthy. Work out the body to strengthen the mind. Grow rich in spirit to cure emotional ails.

16. Make conscious decisions as to who you will be and how you will react. Be responsible for your own actions.

17. Respect the privacy and personal space of others. Do not touch the personal property of others - especially sacred and religious objects. This is forbidden.

18. Be true to yourself first. You cannot nurture and help others if you cannot nurture and help yourself first.

19. Respect others religious beliefs. Do not force your belief on others.

20. Share your good fortune with others. Participate in charity.

The Native American Code Of Ethics

Father's Day



Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. 

~Author Unknown

This weekend we celebrate fathers.  Many of my friends have posted pictures of their dads on their Facebook pages.  It is wonderful to see these pictures of dear friends, some of whom are no longer with us.  Such wonderful memories we have!  These dads were shared by all of us.  When we were growing up, we knew and understood that all of these dads (and moms) were watching over us, teaching us, caring for us.  We were very fortunate to live in a time when this happened.

I have not posted a picture of my dad.  I think he would be uncomfortable with that.  You see, my dad has lived his life mostly in the background.  As one of eleven children, and being born in the middle, he was one of many.  Not that he wasn't loved and respected for himself, it's just with all of those children there wasn't a lot of time for individual attention.  My sister has a picture of my dad from his childhood on which my grandmother has written that she worries that he doesn't get enough time and attention.  I can't tell you exactly what it says, but something like, "He worries so."

That he does!  In my entire life, fifty-four years, I've never witnessed my dad concerned about himself.  He has always placed everyone before him and has acted on their behalf, sometimes to the dismay of those around him.  It is not uncommon for him to be late to go somewhere or do something because he has been in the midst of helping a friend or neighbor.  Two years ago, on the day my dad was going into the hospital for major surgery, I looked out in the neighbor's yard to find him in a tree helping the neighbor cut down some limbs.  Many are the times my mother has stood waiting at the door for him to get ready to leave for some event because he was helping someone else.

When there have been family crisis, my dad and his brother were the first ones there to care for those in need.  When it was time to go to war, my father received a deferment so that he could stay home and help my grandmother care for herself and the younger siblings after my grandfather's death.  Except for the time he was in Korea, he never left that 'assignment.'  He remained in the community with grandma and made certain that her home was repaired, her pipes thawed, the board put on her bed for her bad back, and whatever else she needed help with (not that she asked for help a lot). 

But even with all the assistance he gave to others, Dad was always there for his four children.  I'm pretty sure he wasn't thrilled about all of the music concerts and programs he attended on my behalf.  But he was there for every one of them.  He coached my brothers' baseball teams and attended every football game, basketball game, and even a few wrestling matches.  He was there for my sister's music programs and all of her activities.  He never missed anything that we did. 

As I watched this video, I thought of the first time I remember fishing with my dad.  At that time, it was just the three of us, before my sister was born so we were about the ages of 6, 4, and 3.  Fishing is challenging with children at any time, but fishing with kids of this age has to be a daunting task.  Of course, I don't know how much fishing we actually did, but I remember him showing me how to bait my hook and cast it into the water.  And then doing the same thing for my brothers.  I remember him sitting and watching us and laughing at the antics of my brothers and me.  We didn't bring many fish home that night, but he didn't seem to mind.

Now that I am a parent of a young man who has not had the advantage of a father who had time for him, I appreciate so much more the gift my dad gave and continues to give to me.  I never doubt that when I need him, he will be there.  Even when he is not physically with me, he is with me in my heart and in my head.  His words ring clearly now and forever and his lessons will never be forgotten. 

I laughed this past weekend at our family reunion when I watched my dad and his brother telling each other not to be so stubborn.  My cousins and I sitting around the table on the patio with them all grinned at each other and understood.  Yes, they are stubborn or as my uncle labeled it, determined.  And, yes, that gene has been passed on to my generation and to the next.  There are times when this trait is maddening, but I believe there are more times when it's a very good thing.

My dad has spent his life determined to help whomever he can.  He has spent his life determined to put himself last and everyone else before him.  He has spent his life determined to love each and every one of us in the best way he knew how.  In my estimation, he has been successful at each of these goals and more than that, he has taught his children and his grandchildren the same lesson.  He is respected and loved for being just who he is.

On this Father's Day, I don't have much to give my dad.  He would tell me not to 'waste' my money and that he doesn't need anything, so I won't do that, but I can give him this.  I can give him all of my love and all of my respect.

Thank you, Dad!  I love you!

 

The Seven Powers for Self Control

 

Lesson 5:  The Power of Love

See the best in each other.

The Beatles sang "All You Need is Love."  Thomas Carlyle said, “A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.”  Samuel Taylor Coleridge said, “All men, even the most surly are influenced by affection.”

When you Google quotations about love you get 173,000,000 hits.  It seems that everyone has something to say about love.  The kind of love we’re talking about here is the kind of love you have for yourself, first, and then the love you have for those around you.  It may be your spouse, it may be your children, maybe it’s your co-workers or your teammates.  All of these people require you to love yourself, so that you can love them. 

Why would it be necessary to love yourself before you can love anybody else?  Well, it’s really simple.  If you can’t love yourself, care about yourself, how can you know how to love and care for anyone else?  It’s impossible.  Love comes from within you.  It is a respect you have for yourself, because you know that you are valuable and worthy of it.  If you don’t have this knowledge, then you can attempt to love others, but it will be a selfish kind of love, more about you than it is about them.  You will fail in loving others when you have no internal foundation upon which to build their love.

We have to find a way to see the best in ourselves.  This means, as in Lesson 4, that we have to take a look at ourselves and determine what there is to love.  We all have good things and bad things about us.  There will be those things that you are really proud of.  You ‘love’ those things about yourself.  Make a list and post it somewhere.  The truth is we all spend more time dwelling on those things we don’t like, than the ones we do.  Certainly, we need to address those negative things and work to make them things that are now positive, but there are those things, even if it’s a very short list, that we at least ‘like’ about ourselves a little bit.  Remember, what you focus on you get more of (Lesson3) so focus on the good stuff and you’ll get more. 

Faith makes all things possible.  Love makes them easy.  No one knows who said this but it is true.  When you love yourself, it becomes a simple task to love those around you and when you love those around you, you are able to see the best in each other.  This isn’t something that just happens, however.  It is a commitment to look for the good.  As we’ve talked about in the other four lessons, it is always easy to focus on the bad things, especially in others.  It is easy to decide that they are the ones who need to change.  Finding others’ faults is relatively simple.  Finding the best in each other could take some practice.

I had a student in public school, fourth grade, who was a perfectionist.  If he didn’t get one-hundred percent on his papers he was determined that he had failed.  It was a problem we worked on for quite a while before he had a total melt-down one day over a math paper.  It was the first homework assignment on long division and he had missed just one.  Because he had done so well, I wrote a great big GOOD at the top of his paper with my signature smiley face embedded in it.  As I handed out the papers the next day, he brought his paper to me with tears in his eyes to ask me why I would put this mark on his paper when it, obviously, was not ‘good.’  I tried in every way I knew how to help him see that missing one problem, on something so new to him, to all of them, was a very good thing, but he absolutely refused to see it.  He had missed one, therefore it was bad.

When I talked with his parents about my concerns over his perfectionism, they shared their concerns as well, but as we talked it became apparent that his father also shared this perfectionistic tendency.  In fact, his first question to the boy was why he had missed that one and gotten all the others correct.  It was not a question intended to teach.  It was a question intended to belittle; “If you could get all the others right, why not this one?”  I learned very quickly that there were lessons here for the father as well as the son, and if I couldn’t help the father, I probably wouldn’t be able to help the boy either.  I have no doubt that the father never came right out and told the boy that his work must be perfect, but he said it in so many other ways  that the boy had very clearly heard and taken to heart. 

As with most of my students, I don’t know what happened with this one.  I hope that there was some easing of his burden after he left my room for the next grade.  I’m certain that he was very successful in whatever field he chose.  I hope that it was his choice, whatever it was, and I hope that he is happy with the work that he does.  As for the father, I doubt that I made much difference in his thinking.  He may have been a little less quick to voice his ‘concerns’ at least in front of me, but I am certain that he still holds the highest expectations for himself and his children. 

Expectations are not a bad thing.   In fact, I have been quoted as saying,  “Children will live up or down to our expectations.”  If we set them too high, then they become unattainable as with this young man and his father; no one is perfect.  If we set them too low, then we tell them that we don’t believe they are capable of anything too difficult and they learn to not even try.  It is a fine line that we walk in setting our expectations reasonably, knowing the abilities of our children, or our spouse, or our co-workers, and then expecting that they will live up to what we believe them to be capable. 

I have also had parents who were so afraid of letting their children fail that they ‘helped’ them with each and every assignment.  You know their work when it comes in, obviously not that of a ten year old, alone.  My son always complained at the Pinewood Derby  in Cub Scouts because we helped him with his car when it came to using the power tools but the rest of the work was all his.  Inevitably, on race day, a lot of the other boys would come with their cars that had obviously had a lot more ‘help’ than our son’s.  It was always a great day, when his car defeated some of those other cars.  We had told him that we believed him to be capable and he was.  We expected to see the best in him, and we did.

It comes down, as always, to choices.  We will see what we choose to see.  We will find what we choose to find.  Choose to see the best in each other, but choose to see the best in yourself first!

Building Bridges

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be,
and you help them to become what they are capable
of being.
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

We had an 'issue' at youth group last night.  I am the director of a youth program.  I just started there last month so I'm just getting to know these kiddos and I like them very much.  It's been a few years since I've worked with this age group.  I had forgotten how 'right out there' middle school kids are.  Boy, something pops into their head and it's out of their mouth.  It's kind of refreshing after working with adults (I still do that too) who measure and weigh everything before they speak.  I had a friend tell me that she had tried to work with the youth group, but she just couldn't do it because they were just too mean.  She said she had to leave the room several times in tears.  I don't think they're intentionally mean, I just don't think they've learned to filter anything yet.  Isn't that what maturation is all about?

As the new director, I was being tested last night.  All of the kids were pushing me to see just how far they could go before I drew the line.  The first few nights there, I had jokingly held control of the group, but last night a few boys decided to push the limit and it was time to draw the line.  They needed to know that I, as the adult leader, would be in charge.  Kids, even middle school age kids, need to know where the lines are.  Once they know this, then everyone can settle in and feel safe together.  I gave the ring-leader of the group a choice:  he could be courteous and respectful of me and the others who were speaking or he could go to the back of the room by himself.  He chose C, neither of the above.  (Don't you just love the kids who always choose that one?  Really, I do.  They keep you on your toes).  I offered him the two choices again and added this time that if he didn't choose, I would choose for him.  Again, he chose C, so my choice for him was to go to the back of the room where he could talk all he wanted to, to himself, and not bother the rest of us.

He thought I was joking and then, immediately, he was sorry.  I assured him that when he showed me that he could be respectful, I would allow him to rejoin us and I urged him to move.  Immediately, another young man, whom I hadn't seen before, said that he liked the old director better than me.  I thanked him for his opinion and asked him if he had anything else he wanted to share.  When he was put in the spotlight, he refused any further opinions.  While this new young man and I were having our very short conversation at the front of the room, my first little friend was having words with another of the leaders in the back of the room.  He became belligerent and refused to comply.  I was not aware that this was happening in the back because I had started the evening's lesson.  The kids were quiet and attentive and we were reviewing last week's lesson when I heard the leader in the back of the room say, "If that's the way you feel, then you shouldn't be here.  Maybe you need to go home."  The young man looked dumbstruck.  Of course, his answer was, "OK.  Maybe I will."  And he got up and left.  Three other boys followed him out.  As they walked out, the leader told them that if that was their choice, they would not be allowed to come to the end of the year Beach Party next week.  And still they walked out.  Another of the leaders followed the boys outside and then called their parents so they knew that the boys had left our care.

This was not how I had planned for the evening to go.  I had intended to present the kids with a lesson on Belonging and Love.  (Hmmm....best laid plans???)  All night long I dreamt about those boys walking out--the boys who really need the youth group.  I prayed first thing this morning, that God would take what happened and turn it around for those young people.  The next several minutes, after their departure, the group said a prayer, each young person voicing their needs and thoughts.  I was impressed with the maturity of the kids that stayed.  They prayed for those boys and they prayed for the group as a whole.  The rest of the evening went very well with the group choosing a mission statement for themselves:
   
  Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.  I Timothy 4:12   Impressive, huh?

I am saddened by the happenings of last night.  Of all the young people there, those boys need that group more than any of the rest.  Their home lives are not rich in love and acceptance and I'm afraid that without a group like ours, they will join another, less advantageous group.  I pray that God will turn this around for these kids and that the maturity and grace that I observed in the other kids will help them to reach out and bring them all back.

 
But we went wrong when we backed him into a corner.  The only way out for him was to leave.  To maintain his sense of dignity and respect by the other kids, he had to leave and hope that someone, anyone, would follow him.  My intention, when I sent him back, was to get the group started and then to go back and talk to him, privately, myself.  He didn't allow us to get that far, for all of this took place in about five minutes.  (I forgot the reaction time of middle school kids.  I should have had a leader take over immediately for me at the front of the group and gone with him to the back.  Maybe we could have diffused all of this).

You see, we were both right.  He needed to understand and demonstrate respect for me and for the others in the group, leaders and kids.  I needed to respect his position in the group of his peers, especially the boys sitting there.  This young man is a leader, no doubt.  He is charismatic, he is dynamic, and he is full of life.  We need to find a way to channel that energy and produce a positive outcome for him and the group.  We're going to just keep praying that the Lord will work his miracles and bring those boys back to us (with an apology to everyone for their behavior, I hope).  We need his leadership and courage, for it took great courage for him to walk out of there in front of so many of his friends.  I privately had to applaud the young men who stood with him, their friend.  One of them in particular, knew he would be in trouble with his parents and made the choice anyway.

Please don't misunderstand, I'm not saying what they did was all right, but it wasn't all wrong either.  They're young and they need to understand respect and cooperation.  This is a group and we must find a way to work together as a youth family.  As such, we will have disagreements and falling-outs.  Last night was one of those.  Now we must find a way to reconcile our differences and build a bridge to the future together.  This is why I love what I do. 

When I was very little, my dad was in construction.  He built bridges.  I think I must have inherited that gene.  With God's help, I'll find a way to build a bridge here.  I hope those boys will all be on the other side, but even if they are not, I will be sure that they know that I love them no matter what and so does God.

Valentine's Day--Really?

Well, here it is!  Another Valentine's Day.  I don't know how anyone could have not been aware of it with all the commercials and advertising.  I'd just like to think about it for a minute.  No one really knows when Valentine's Day began and exactly why, but one story says that Valentine was a  priest who married people in secret during a time when marriage was forbidden in Rome.  Eventually, he was found out, imprisoned, and after a time in prison was put to death for refusing to renounce his religion.  The Pope created a religious holiday to commemorate this man.  From this, our present day Valentine's Day has come.


I agree, that remembering our loved ones is very important.  But I wonder if St. Valentine would be happy with what has been done in his honor.  Surely he would be pleased with the love and affection to friends, family, wives, husbands, children that is shown on this day, but what would he say about the commercialization of the day?  Wouldn't he tell us that we should be showing this love and honor EVERY day?  I have a friend who is boycotting Valentine's Day as a way of reminding all of us that perhaps we should shift our focus from one day to 365 days.  Maybe instead of buying expensive presents we should get up each day and look for ways to tell our special someone(s) how much they mean to us. 


I'm not boycotting Valentine's Day.  I love this day and I try to use it as a check-point.  How have I done over the past year in showing the people closest to me that they are important in my life?  As Garth Brooks says, "If tomorrow never comes, will they know just how much I loved them?"  I don't think you can do that in one day a year. 


I hope that you all have a wonderful Valentine's Day!  I hope that it is full of love and honor and respect for you and all of your loved ones!  I wish the same thing for you and yours tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day.....

                                                Happy Valentine's Day!