Mommy's Heart

 

For my son...happy 21st birthday, Jordan!

 

In class a teacher and her first graders were discussing a picture of a family.

One little boy in the picture had a different color hair than the other family members

One child suggested that maybe he was adopted.

A little girl said, "I know all about adoptions, because I was adopted."

"What does it mean to be adopted?" asked another child.

A little girl replied, "It means that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy."

Author unknown

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (NIV)

Ephesians 2:10

A Baby's Touch

 

Dear Readers,

For the first time, my son is living, full-time, on his own, away from me, in a town 45 miles away.  This is as it should be, but as I decorate the Christmas tree with ornaments we collected over each year of his life, I am struck with how quickly the time has passed and by how I am moved as I place each ornament on the tree and remember that year of his life.  I love this young man--just as much as I loved the baby, the little boy, the big boy and the high school kid.  But what I am most proud of is that we did it together.  I recognized, probably because he was my only one, that I should stop and appreciate each moment and thank God for them.  As you go about your holiday preparations, please remember to take the time to enjoy the gift of your children and family.  Perhaps that's why this story touched me so...

During the busyness of this holiday season, my one year old daughter caught a cold that wouldn’t seem to let go of her. She had it especially rough at night when she had coughing fits. Being a first time, nervous mom, I brought her to bed with me after a particularly bad cough.

As we were drifting to sleep, she wiggled around and her hand fell across my face, brushed my cheek and rested there. I felt as if an electric current was running through my body. Simultaneously, a picture came to mind of a most beautifully wrapped gift — gold foil with delightful maroon ribbons. I realized that God had just sent a wonderful message and gift to me about the things I should be focusing on this Christmas.

Amidst all the buying, decorating, and entertaining, I was shown through the simple touch of my child the most precious gift of all.

My baby’s touch, this year in 1998, must not be so unlike the touch of another precious child 2000 years ago.

Did his mother feel the same way when his hand brushed against her cheek? His life was to touch the world and affect all of us. Hopefully, with my gentle guidance and love, my baby’s touch will affect others as she grows.

by: Deborah Linne, Heartwarmers4u

  

  Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127:3-5

Good Cooks



When my son was 11 years old, he got a small job helping out with a traveling carnival while it was in our town.

He didn't come home at lunch time, phoning instead to tell me he was fine and had found a few days work helping out at an exhibit. He turned up for supper as usual however after he finished work.

I asked him how he had managed at lunch and he told me he had made some new friends at the carnival, some young men who were twin brothers, and their mom and dad. They had paid him a few dollars and invited him for lunch in return for helping them set up their exhibit and wanted him to return the next day to help with other chores.

I was glad he had found new friends but a little apprehensive about the type of people that might be traveling in a carnival.

"Oh Mom, these are just normal everyday people like anyone else. They just work at a carnival instead of in a store or something. Come down tomorrow and meet them yourself," he said.

So the next day I went to the carnival and to the exhibit he had directed me to. The twin brothers turned out to be Siamese twins, joined at the chest.

He hadn't thought this fact was noteworthy enough to mention. When I brought it to him he said, "Yes, I noticed that too. Do you know that their mom has to make all their clothes because it's so difficult to find anything to fit them? They're also really good cooks. Today, Joe, the one on the right, made me spaghetti for lunch."

What others see first in a person (or persons) is not what a child considers important.

Where I saw Siamese twins, he saw people having difficulty buying clothes that fit, and young men who were good cooks.

It was a lesson I have thought about many times over the years.

-Charlotte Mansfield

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.

1 John 4:16

The Handwriting On The Wall



A weary mother returned from the store,
Lugging groceries through the kitchen door.
Awaiting her arrival was her 8 year old son,
Anxious to relate what his younger brother had done.

“While I was out playing and Dad was on a call,
T.J. took his crayons and wrote on the wall!
It’s on the new paper you just hung in the den.
I told him you’d be mad at having to do it again.”

She let out a moan and furrowed her brow,
“Where is your little brother right now?”
She emptied her arms and with a purposeful stride,
She marched to his closet where he had gone to hide.

She called his full name as she entered his room.
He trembled with fear – he knew that meant doom!
For the next ten minutes, she ranted and raved
About the expensive wallpaper, and how she had saved.

Lamenting all the work it would take to repair,
She condemned his actions and total lack of care.
The more she scolded, the madder she got,
Then stomped from his room, totally distraught!

She headed for the den to confirm her fears.
When she saw the wall, her eyes flooded with tears.
The message she read pierced her soul with a dart.
It said, “I love Mommy,” surrounded by a heart.

Well, the wallpaper remained, just as she found it,
With an empty picture frame hung to surround it.
A reminder to her, and indeed to all,
Take time to read the handwriting on the wall.

- Author Unknown

 I will teach all your children, and they will enjoy great peace.

 

Isaiah 54:13.

Harsh Words

 

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way saying good-bye.
But at home a difference is told,
how we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.
As I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use,
But the children you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
and you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,
and now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.
" Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."
I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay. I love you anyway."
I said, "Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

-----
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company that we are working for would easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than into our own families... an unwise investment indeed, don't you think?

Author Unknown

We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

1 John 4:19-21

The Alphabet Prayer

Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged with man. Now the story goes, a little shepherd boy was watching his sheep one Sunday morning and he heard the bells of the church ringing. And watching the people walk along the pasture where he was, he happened to think to himself, "I would like to communicate with God! But, what can I say to God?"

He had never learned a prayer. So, on bended knee, he began to recite the alphabet. Repeating this prayer several times, a man passing by, heard the boy's voice and peaked through the bushes. He saw the young boy kneeling with folded hands, eyes closed, repeating the alphabet.

He interrupted the boy. "What are you doing, my little one?" he asked. The boy replied, "I was praying sir." The man seemed surprised and said, "But why are you reciting the alphabet?" The boy explained, "I don't know any prayers, sir. But I want God to take care of me, and to help me care for my sheep. And so I thought, if I said all I knew, He could put the letters together into words, and He would know all that I want and should say!"

The man smiled and said, "Bless your heart, God will!" And he went on to church knowing full well that he had heard the finest sermon he could possibly hear that day.

Maybe if we thought like little children and let God put together the letters, what we should want, and what we should say, things would probably work out a lot better than we planned!!!

Author Unknown

But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”

 Matthew 19:14

I Believe in You



Every good teacher (or parent) will understand this poem...

I believe in you
When you yell across the room
Or call someone else a name.

I believe in you
When you say you don't want to do
Something that you've been asked to do.

I believe in you
When you take the blame quietly,
Knowing it wasn't your fault--
Knowing that, probably, no one understands.

I believe in you
When you're bored and would rather be somewhere else
Having fun
But you buckle down and do your work anyway
And stay in school.

I believe in you
When the world around you makes bad choices--
But you don't.
I pray you never will

I love your red hair, blonde hair, black hair, and brown.
I love your freckles, white skin, brown skin, black skin, and tan.
I love you, not for what you are on the outside,
But what you are on the inside.

I believe in you when you try,
When you don't try,
When you turn the world upside down
Or try to set it right.

I believe in you
For who you were, who you are,
And who I know that you can be.

Sometimes I see your good manners, your caring ways,
And I think what wonderful parents you must have
And how proud they'd be if they could see you right now.
Don't ever shame them, but live to make them proud.
Bring them up with you before the world.

I've seen you hurt, seen you care,
Seen you stand together as a unit,
Seen your hands:
Your little, growing hands,
That went from holding toys in Show and Tell
To skillfully throwing balls through a hoop (or at the wall).
Those hands will someday be left in charge of the world.
Learn your lessons well.
I believe in you,
And so do others, though you may not know it.

Love,
Mrs. Barbie
Barbara Aldrich

The teacher sees what can be, what will be, if just nurtured a little bit, loved a little bit, encouraged a little bit.  I have been privileged to do just that with thousands of young people over the years.  I thank God every day for each of those opportunities.  They have all left their print on my heart.

 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127:3-5

Anything Can Happen

Listen to the Mustn'ts,child,
Listen to the Don'ts
Listen to the Shouldn'ts
The Impossibles, the Won'ts
Listen to the Never Haves,
Then listen close to me --
Anything can happen, child,
Anything can be.

Shel Silverstein

I work with young people.  It is my job and I enjoy it immensely!  Their enthusiasm and energy are infectious and the new life they bring to my work is invigorating.  This is not a new experience for me; I have worked with children and youth for many, many years.  I wouldn't trade it for the world...most days.

But I am noticing a trend that worries me a little.  I don't know whether it's the economic times or the rural area I'm living in, perhaps it's that they have heard so many times "No," or some other phenomenon that I'm unaware of but I'm hearing these young people limit themselves to being and doing less than they are so very capable of. 

Aren't  our youngest years the time that we should be dreaming and I mean dreaming BIG?  The second decade of our lives is the time to reach for the moon, isn't it?  My best friend at that age died recently.  Our dream was that we were going to Las Vegas to see Elvis perform live and then we would get important jobs, after college-of course, and live close by each other forever.  We'd have money to travel whenever we wanted and life would be so good for both of us. 

I hear these young folks concerned, in elementary school and middle school, about scholarships for college and not being good enough.  I hear them taking others' dreams and belittling them for having such extravagant hopes and wishes.  I hear the sad, sad sounds normally coming from older people with no hope for their future. 

What is happening to our kids?  Now is the best time for them to build their hopes and dreams, to become whatever they can imagine.  I love this poem by Shel Silverstein because it's what I believe.  Yes, I'm older--I mean, really, Elvis--but it's those dreams that keep me going every day.  It's the hope that each day brings that makes it worth getting out of bed every morning and facing the day.  I still dream, I still hope, I still plan.

And you know what?  I may not accomplish all of my hopes and desires, but I've also done a lot of things reaching for those hopes and dreams that I never even thought of.  What a great life! Anything can happen, child.  Anything can be.

And the worst that can happen when you reach for the moon is that you'll land in the stars.

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

John 14:27



GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED

Yesterday I gave you GREAT TRUTHS THAT KIDS HAVE LEARNED.  Today I give you what adults have learned.  The lessons are different, of course, but I believe that age doesn't make that much difference--young or old, we are all God's children and we CHOOSE to be and see what we will, we choose to laugh at life or not.  I choose to laugh---most of the time.

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.


2) Wrinkles don't hurt.


3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.


4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.


5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.


6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the

toy.

Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.



Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;


BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.



Have a wonderful day with many *smiles.*

He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting.   
Job 8:21   

 
 

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..


2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.


3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the

second person.


4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.


5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.


6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.


7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.


8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.


9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.


10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.


Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.


Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;


BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.



Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Matthew 19:14

The Heart of a Teacher

I always have a hard time, this time of year, with all the children and young people preparing to go back to school.  I absolutely loved school, both as a student and as a teacher.  I still teach but not in the public school classroom.  I love working with all of my students, but there's still something about that building, the room, the desks, and the bells that I just miss.  The feeling will pass in a few weeks, and I'll be glad that I am where I am, but for these next few days I'll reminisce and dream just a little while.

I came across this in my mailbox today, and I thought it was so exactly right for most of us who have chosen this profession.  Enjoy!



An excerpt from The Heart of a Teacher by Paula Fox

The child arrives like a mystery box... with puzzle pieces inside some of the pieces are broken or missing... and others just seem to hide But the HEART of a teacher can sort them out... and help the child to see the potential for greatness he has within... a picture of what he can be Her goal isn't just to teach knowledge... by filling the box with more parts it's putting the pieces together... and creating a work of art The process is painfully slow at times... some need more help than others each child is a work in progress... with assorted shapes and colors First she creates a classroom... where the child can feel safe in school where he never feels threatened or afraid to try... and kindness is always the rule She knows that a child can achieve much more when he feels secure inside when he's valued and loved... and believes in himself ...and he has a sense of pride She models and teaches good character... and respect for one another how to focus on strengths...not weaknesses and how to encourage each other She gives the child the freedom he needs... to make choices on his own so he learns to become more responsible... and is able to stand alone He's taught to be strong and think for himself... as his soul and spirit heal and the puzzle that's taking shape inside... has a much more positive feel The child discovers the joy that comes... from learning something new... and his vision grows as he begins to see all the things that he can do A picture is formed as more pieces fit... an image of the child within with greater strength and confidence... and a belief that he can win! All because a hero was there... in the HEART of a teacher who cared enabling the child to become much more... than he ever imagined...or dared A teacher with a HEART for her children... knows what teaching is all about she may not have all the answers... but on this...she has no doubt When asked which subjects she loved to teach, she answered this way and smiled... "It's not the subjects that matter... It's all about teaching the CHILD." http://store.simpletruths.com/teacher-appreciation

What Sunshine is to Flowers, Smiles are to Humanity.

What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity.  They are but trifles, to be sure, but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.

The practice of one particular church was to dismiss the children in the Sunday morning service just prior to the sermon.  The children would all march forward in a makeshift processional and sing a song as they passed the pulpit on their way to hear a sermon prepared just for them.  The pastor enjoyed this part of the service.  He made it a point to smile at each child and to receive a smile in return.

To his surprise, one morning a curly-headed four-year-old girl ran out of the procession and threw herself into her mother's arms, sobbing deeply.  The pastor sought out the mother after the service to see what had happened.  The child had told her, "I smiled at God, but He didn't smile back."

The pastor's heart sank.  He had failed to smile and her joy had turned to torment.

We may think our smiles do not represent God to another person, but they just might!  Genuine smiles are a sign of affirmation, appreciation, and love.

Your smile can bring hope and change the countenance of someone today.  Give it a try.

A happy heart makes the face cheerful.

Proverbs 15:13

From God's Little Devotional Book for Women

Ah, Those Kids!

Cute Little Girl Reads Psalm 23 - Watch This!

Posted by Joel Chavady

Posted July 8

http://67.227.171.80/videos/2/762/cute-little-girl-reads-psalm-23

If you have been following me for very long you know how much I LOVE children and young people.  I have devoted my life to working with and for them.  My current job is as a program director in a church.  This position allows me the opportunity to work with people of all ages, but it's the youngest that really make my heart sing.  Their innocence is so refreshing.  They have not yet learned all the games that we older folks know and use so easily.  They just are...for good or bad, and that can change in the blink of an eye, they just live in the moment. 

The ease with which they accept life as it comes to them is inspiring.  It's raining outside?  That doesn't change their plans. They can play in the rain.  It's hot outside.  They know how to turn the water on and play in the sprinklers.  As I was walking home from work last night, I watched a group of kids having a great time doing just this.  It was unbearably warm, but here were these kids having the best time running through the water, laughing and playing.  I almost joined in, but my adult self just wouldn't let me.  After all, I wasn't dressed to play in the water.  It didn't stop the children.

After I started back on my way, I began to think about what happens to us.  Where do we lose the 'fun' in our lives?  What makes us decide to be 'grown-ups'?  I will certainly admit that, at the age of fifty-four, I am thankful for the experiences I have had and the wisdom I have gained because of them, but I've also lost some things along the way.  Things that, as I was walking home, I realized I missed. 

Spontaneity-I think I do a pretty good job of just 'going with the flow.'  I am not like my brother, who plans every detail of everything.  I'm not putting him down, it works for him.  It's who he is, but it's not me.  And as I continued to think about it, I realized that I may not plan so much, but I'm not as quick to 'jump into the water' as I was when I was young.  I think first and that is not always a bad thing, but it's not always a good thing either.  After all, what would have happened if I had jumped in the sprinkler with the kids when they asked?  I would have had great fun and I'd have been a whole lot cooler walking the rest of the way home.  I would have looked pretty funny, but I'd have worn a smile all the way!

Laughter-I love to laugh and when I do, most everyone in the building hears me.  But as I was listening to those children giggle and laugh even a couple of blocks away, I began to try to remember when I had had a really good, sustained time of laughter like those children.  You know, the ones that make your stomach hurt and tears come.  It's been a while...it's been too long.  Laughter is good for you!  It releases all those endorphins and it makes you feel so good.  In holistic medicine, some doctors will prescribe, along with your medications, laughter.  We've all read the stories about those people who have helped themselves heal by doing all the medical things and then spending each day watching something that makes them laugh.  Even if it doesn't cure you, you'll feel better.

Simplicity-There was nothing complicated or difficult in what those kiddos were doing.  There was a hose, a circular sprinkler (just like the one we used to run through when I was a kid), the yard, and the kids.  They took what they had and they made fun out of it.  So many times we think we can't do something because we don't have the right equipment or things to do it with.  In reality, we probably don't need all the things.  It could probably be done with far less than we think.  After all, it's the relationships that we remember, much more than the 'stuff.'  We have so many 'toys' today that we all believe to be necessary and for some of our activities these inventions make our lives so much easier.  But they also complicate our lives and I wonder sometimes if life really is better with them. 

Time-As adults we all have our schedules to keep, not just for today but for the next month, the next quarter, the next year.  We carry our phones with our calendars because our lives are so full that we can't make arrangements to do anything until we verify that nothing else is scheduled.  These children didn't care about time.  All they had was this moment and they were making the most of it.  Why is it that adults are so worried about what just happened (I had just come from a meeting that I was dissecting in my mind) or about what is going to happen that we forget to just enjoy this moment.  After all, we will only have this moment right now, this one time.  Once it is gone, it is irretrievable.  We can't make it better or worse.  We can't live it over again.  We can remember it, if we choose to, but we can't live it again.  We had our chance.  I hope we used it wisely.

It was only a few short blocks from these kids and their sprinkler party to my house, but so many things came to mind during that walk.  We adults are so easily sidetracked by our 'adult' activities that, I believe, sometimes we forget to live.  Do I live the life I was intended to live?  This question came to me as I reached the corner at the end of my block.  As I began to make the turn to my house, I looked up in the sky to the east.  There had been no rain, but the humidity was very high.  Over the southeast part of our town was the most beautiful rainbow!  I'm glad I was able to see it!  Thanks, Kids!

Father's Day



Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. 

~Author Unknown

This weekend we celebrate fathers.  Many of my friends have posted pictures of their dads on their Facebook pages.  It is wonderful to see these pictures of dear friends, some of whom are no longer with us.  Such wonderful memories we have!  These dads were shared by all of us.  When we were growing up, we knew and understood that all of these dads (and moms) were watching over us, teaching us, caring for us.  We were very fortunate to live in a time when this happened.

I have not posted a picture of my dad.  I think he would be uncomfortable with that.  You see, my dad has lived his life mostly in the background.  As one of eleven children, and being born in the middle, he was one of many.  Not that he wasn't loved and respected for himself, it's just with all of those children there wasn't a lot of time for individual attention.  My sister has a picture of my dad from his childhood on which my grandmother has written that she worries that he doesn't get enough time and attention.  I can't tell you exactly what it says, but something like, "He worries so."

That he does!  In my entire life, fifty-four years, I've never witnessed my dad concerned about himself.  He has always placed everyone before him and has acted on their behalf, sometimes to the dismay of those around him.  It is not uncommon for him to be late to go somewhere or do something because he has been in the midst of helping a friend or neighbor.  Two years ago, on the day my dad was going into the hospital for major surgery, I looked out in the neighbor's yard to find him in a tree helping the neighbor cut down some limbs.  Many are the times my mother has stood waiting at the door for him to get ready to leave for some event because he was helping someone else.

When there have been family crisis, my dad and his brother were the first ones there to care for those in need.  When it was time to go to war, my father received a deferment so that he could stay home and help my grandmother care for herself and the younger siblings after my grandfather's death.  Except for the time he was in Korea, he never left that 'assignment.'  He remained in the community with grandma and made certain that her home was repaired, her pipes thawed, the board put on her bed for her bad back, and whatever else she needed help with (not that she asked for help a lot). 

But even with all the assistance he gave to others, Dad was always there for his four children.  I'm pretty sure he wasn't thrilled about all of the music concerts and programs he attended on my behalf.  But he was there for every one of them.  He coached my brothers' baseball teams and attended every football game, basketball game, and even a few wrestling matches.  He was there for my sister's music programs and all of her activities.  He never missed anything that we did. 

As I watched this video, I thought of the first time I remember fishing with my dad.  At that time, it was just the three of us, before my sister was born so we were about the ages of 6, 4, and 3.  Fishing is challenging with children at any time, but fishing with kids of this age has to be a daunting task.  Of course, I don't know how much fishing we actually did, but I remember him showing me how to bait my hook and cast it into the water.  And then doing the same thing for my brothers.  I remember him sitting and watching us and laughing at the antics of my brothers and me.  We didn't bring many fish home that night, but he didn't seem to mind.

Now that I am a parent of a young man who has not had the advantage of a father who had time for him, I appreciate so much more the gift my dad gave and continues to give to me.  I never doubt that when I need him, he will be there.  Even when he is not physically with me, he is with me in my heart and in my head.  His words ring clearly now and forever and his lessons will never be forgotten. 

I laughed this past weekend at our family reunion when I watched my dad and his brother telling each other not to be so stubborn.  My cousins and I sitting around the table on the patio with them all grinned at each other and understood.  Yes, they are stubborn or as my uncle labeled it, determined.  And, yes, that gene has been passed on to my generation and to the next.  There are times when this trait is maddening, but I believe there are more times when it's a very good thing.

My dad has spent his life determined to help whomever he can.  He has spent his life determined to put himself last and everyone else before him.  He has spent his life determined to love each and every one of us in the best way he knew how.  In my estimation, he has been successful at each of these goals and more than that, he has taught his children and his grandchildren the same lesson.  He is respected and loved for being just who he is.

On this Father's Day, I don't have much to give my dad.  He would tell me not to 'waste' my money and that he doesn't need anything, so I won't do that, but I can give him this.  I can give him all of my love and all of my respect.

Thank you, Dad!  I love you!

 

The Simple Things

I love my new office!  Outside of my BIG window (it's most of the wall) to the west is a flat roof that extends over to the other part of our building.  It sits over the front hallway.  There is a big, very old tree that sits just across the sidewalk and shades the whole area, so I have the tree and all the birds that 'visit' during the day.  The flat roof is supposed to have a drain so that the rain water doesn't sit there but the tree continues to plug the drain providing lots of little birdbaths for my little friends.  As I sit at my computer I watch the cardinals and the blue jays splashing and soaking themselves in the water.  Of course there are the robins, the wrens, the sparrows and a couple of finches, too.  The girls in one of my classes were teasing that if they saw me with a hose this summer they would know what I was doing!

I was telling a young friend about my 'sanctuary' the other day.  Her eyes began to glaze over and I could tell that she really did not understand how special this was, so I took her up to see it.  After a few minutes, she looked at me and said, "OK.  They're just birds splashing in water.  It's nice."  But I could tell she wasn't very impressed.  Which got me to thinking (I think I've told you before that this is when the girls I used to work with would always have someplace to go)....

You know, when I was her age, I don't know that I appreciated the birds either.  So, is it my age that has made me slow down and notice these things?  Is it maturity that teaches us to appreciate the little, beautiful things in our lives or is it all the lessons we've learned by this age that have taught us that life is precious, that we should take the time to enjoy the little things in our lives because we are not guaranteed anything more than this. 

I mowed my grass yesterday and when I was finished I sat on my deck and watched the birds and the squirrels in the trees.  They're all back after the winter and they were all talking at the same time yesterday.  The birds were telling the squirrels to get out of their trees and the squirrels were talking right back to them.  (It reminded me of some people I know.  We're not so different after all).  My son had come out and while we were talking a beautiful eagle came flying over.  He (or she) just glided over the treetops for a few minutes and then flew farther north.  We are fortunate that we have many eagle's nests along the river just east of us a few miles.  This is not the first time I've seen eagles flying over our little town.  They are such majestic and regal birds!  Here was all of this chatter in the trees and there was the eagle gliding way above all the fray.

Again, maybe it's my age, but I thought about that eagle last night and how I long to be like it!  Sometimes I am those robins and wrens yakking away, not really saying anything, but making a lot of noise.  Sometimes I am those blue jays and cardinals, just enjoying the day and what God has given me.  I hope that there are just as many days that I am the eagle, gliding above all the fray and frustration, simply gliding and trusting.  The eagle seemed to look down on all that ruckus and shake his head as if he understood that all that commotion was pointless in the long-run.  He seemed to know that his place was above all of that.

I want to remember that eagle and that scene from yesterday.  I hope that I have many more like it, sitting out there this summer, but if I don't, I'll still have that video in my head to remind me that I want to be the eagle.  When I catch myself being the yakking robin, I will remember that my intention is to fly above all the noise and confusion and glide away to my quiet place, my serene place, my 'nest.'  I still want to be the blue jay and cardinal and have fun and enjoy life, too.

So, I guess I don't have an answer about the age thing.  I do think we have to have faced some of life's challenges and learned some of life's lessons to really appreciate the simple things in life.  I think that as children we enjoy it all because it is so new.  Then there is a period after our childhood that we take for granted a lot of things.  We just assume that they will always be there. 

It's at the middle part of your life, as your children are out on their own and you're slowing down a little bit  that you take the time to stop and enjoy.  We've learned there are no guarantees, no promises.  It could all be gone tomorrow so we learn to take a deep breath and enjoy...today, right now, the simple things in life.

Each day, awakening, are we asked to paint the sky blue? Need we coax the sun to rise or flowers to bloom? Need we teach birds to sing, or children to laugh, or lovers to kiss? No, though we think the world imperfect, it surrounds us each day with its perfections. We are asked only to appreciate them, and to show appreciation by living in peaceful harmony amidst them. The Creator does not ask that we create a perfect world; He asks that we celebrate it. ~Robert Brault

The Seven Powers for Self Control

Lesson 3:  The Power of Attention

What you focus on you get more of.

This is a hard concept to understand well.  After all, we are taught in this society, that if we focus and work hard for something, we can make it happen.  Our understanding of this is simply that if we want something we just work for it and if we work hard enough, it will happen.   The part that very few seem to understand is that it also works in reverse.  When we focus on bad stuff, we get more bad stuff.  It’s as simple as that.

Whether you think you can or can't, either way you are right.

Henry Ford

We all know people who tend to focus on the bad stuff; their glass is always half empty.  I met a woman recently who was this way.  When I remarked at how glad I was that the fog had burned off and the sun had come out, she responded that there was no way the day would be good when it had gotten off to that kind of nasty start.  When I answered her in return that it had to get better from there, her retort was that there was just no way it possibly could be.  I tried one more time, “I hope that you have only good things from here on out today.”  Her response, “Well, there’s just no way; I don’t think that will happen.”  I found myself anxiously trying to move away from her.  I was very happy, after driving in extremely dense fog for four hours, to see the sun and know that I was safe in my destination.  I’m not sure that this woman would ever feel safe.  Maybe she had some devastating news to start her day, I don’t know, but I do know just being with her made me feel bad and she didn’t want it to change.

What a miserable way to live your life!  Remember the Charlie Brown character, Pigpen?  He was always surrounded with a cloud of dirt.  So is this woman, but her ‘dirt’ is of her own making.  She is choosing to focus on the negative things in her life.  And what you focus on you get more of.  Like attracts like, so if you choose to focus all day on the fact that you woke up late so everything will be wrong today, it will.  It’s just as easy to switch your focus to include, “Well, it’s got to be better from here on out.”  It’s a fifty/fifty chance either way, but if you predetermine what will happen by your attitude, there is NO chance of a good day. 

 This is especially true when you are working with children.  I have seen time after time when a teacher or parent is focusing on what they don’t want a child to do, they get exactly that.  Why?  Because they’ve already laid the groundwork for that outcome.  There was a little boy, preschool age, several years ago who loved coming to school.  This was his first educational experience and he was excited about it.  Now, sitting still and listening were not habits he had learned, at all, yet, so his teacher, who had limited experience in a setting such as this, was not comfortable with his behaviors and how to ‘control’ him.  Her form of ‘positive discipline’ was to seat him beside her at all times.  If she moved around the room, she held his wrist and made him follow her.  At the end of the class time, she would meet the parents, sometimes waiting in the street for them, to share the issues of the day.  And there always were issues.  It got so bad, that the parent would greet the child with, “Well, what did you screw up today?”  It’s no wonder this little guy got to the point that he hated school.  He was never allowed to be successful.  They were all set for him to do wrong and he did.  Who wouldn’t under those circumstances?  What they focused on, they got more of.  

Hold a picture of yourself long and steadily enough in your mind's eye, and you will be drawn toward it.

Napoleon Hill

No doubt this young man needed to learn how to be a good listener and how to remain focused in his new environment, but my great fear is that the pattern for his education was set in this first experience and that the rest of his educational life will be colored by the beginning.  I know that his next two years were not much better so the chances of him finding school enjoyable and being successful are probably pretty slim.  You know how teachers love to ‘share’ in the faculty lounge and the word has gotten around that this young man is a problem…therefore, he probably will be.

Why is it that we human beings seem to prefer to focus on the bad things rather than the good ones?  I believe that we have been programmed by very well-meaning people who were trying to protect themselves and us.  The idea that if you don’t set your sights too high then you won’t be hurt, seems to pervade our society, when just the opposite is just as true.  We may well face heartbreaks and failures in anything that we try to do, especially if it is new to us, and if we let those failures stop us from trying again, then we have chosen to limit our future.  It didn’t just happen to us, it happened because of us.  What do you think the chances are for this young man to believe in himself; to find any self-worth there?  While his parents love him immensely, they, as well as the educators, have told him repeatedly that he really isn’t capable of being successful.  He is destined to “screw up.”

I would hope that this young man will happen along someone in his life who will break the pattern and tell this young man just how lovable and capable he really is.  I hope that they look beyond the behaviors that, by now, I’m sure are very much habit, and see the young man who has a remarkable intelligence and sense of humor.  His creativity knows no bounds and when he is challenged, he is more than capable of following the rules and enjoying learning.  I know because I had the young man in summer camp-an educational, creative setting for the summer.  I found him to be a challenge to my teaching skills, merely to stay ahead of him.  He pushed me to my limits in keeping him challenged and occupied.   The difference was, I expected him to do well…and he did.  I greeted his parents with the good things he had done throughout the day.  Unfortunately, this experience only lasted the summer and then he went back to school where the teacher were “ready for him.”

 It’s just as easy to find good things.  Sometimes, for a young man with the history that this one has, you have to look hard at first, but there are positives and the more you focus on the positives, the more you will find.  The more success he had, the more success came.  Parents, child, and teacher focused on the good stuff, not the bad.  It was a choice we all made.  It’s a choice you can make. 



I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Thomas Edison

Loving Yourself First

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.Lucille Ball

Lucille Ball was a very smart woman.  She created a television empire, along with her husband, Desi Arnaz.  She provided us with love and laughter that instills pleasure in us, even today, all these years after her death.  I Love Lucy, the television show, was never supposed to happen, you know.

I think most of us know the story but, just in case, let me tell you.  Lucy and Desi had an idea-a way for them to work together instead of him travelling around the country with his orchestra and her doing movies.  They wanted to do a television show.  A show in which they played a married couple, him from Cuba, her from a little town in New York.  The network liked the idea of Lucy in a television show but they didn't want Desi to play the husband.  The idea of a mixed race couple on television at that time was unheard of.  It would never work, or so they thought.  Lucy refused to do the show without Desi so the network eventually agreed and history was made.  Even after their divorce, Lucy and Desi worked together at Desilu studios until she bought out his half of the business and  she then ran the company all by herself for years producing shows like the Andy Griffith Show, Star Trek, and Mission Impossible.  That was all Lucy!

Pretty incredible, huh?  Imagine how it all might have been different if Lucy hadn't believed in herself, hadn't loved herself.  Everything happened because she knew that she was capable and worthy of love...from her husband, from her co-workers, from her family, from her fans, and from herself.  All the success that they had, you never heard of Lucy being disrespectful to anyone.  You never heard about her being a prima dona.  She didn't have to be.  She was Lucy and she knew she was loved, first by herself and then by the world.

I've heard Lucy and Desi's kids (also Lucy and Desi, Jr) talk about how success had eventually become too much for their parents.  It all happened very quickly.  They were famous.  Everyone loved Lucy and Desi and it became too much for them.  Desi drank to excess; in fact, he credited his son for helping him eventually get sober.  Two people, the same success but entirely different outcomes.  Don't get me wrong, Desi didn't become a skid row bum or anything.  Success was just harder for him to handle.  You know, he was actually the first to try performing in front of a live audience for television and the method of using multiple cameras came from him.  He was an innovator in the television business.

So why the difference?  Desi didn't love himself until much later in life.  I heard him give an interview once (yes, I'm really showing my age here) in which he stated that it wasn't until he was "middle-aged" and quit drinking that he accepted who he was and was able to love himself.  Unfortunately, he's not alone.  Too many people have never learned just how wonderful they are.  They've never understood that they are God's unique creation--there is no one else in the universe exactly like them.  Think about that for a minute.  You have been created to be you, just as you are.  There are no flaws or failures.  Those are only in other's eyes (and who are they to judge)?  Each of us has our own unique talents and gifts.  We may not be beautiful, but we can sing.  We may not be able to sing, but we can bake the best pies ever.  We each have our own talents and we are intended to love ourselves just as we are, talents and all.

If you watch little children, they really love themselves.  It's the world that teaches them that they are different, that they are unworthy.  Parents, siblings, other children--somebody planted the idea in their head that they weren't quite good enough and that seed took root and grew.  For some, there was someone who pulled that weed out and showed them just how beautiful they were.  For others, no one ever tried or at least not successfully, to pull that weed and love them.  They've lived with it for years and years and now; it's firmly embedded in their psyche.  It will come out, but it's going to take a LOT of hard work and someone to help pull.  For Desi, it was his son. 

Now, imagine you are a child of someone who hasn't learned to love himself.  Children follow their examples.  They will listen to your words, but they will remember what you do.  It will be impossible for them to learn to love themselves, for them to have successful relationships, if their example hasn't yet been able to do it.  Desi, Jr. is an example of this.  Desi, Jr. had his own drinking problem.  The difference for Desi, Jr.?  A mother who did love herself.  It was an example he could follow.  At some point he made a choice:  to follow his father's example (which he had been) or to follow his mother's example.  He became sober and has remained so ever since. 

What if he'd not had the mother he had?  It could have had an entirely different outcome.  Desi, Jr. never judged his father.  He didn't need to; his father was judging himself to be unworthy and unlovable.  Even with all the success he had in his life, even with a wife who loved him, even with two wonderful children, he deemed himself unlovable. 

Where are you in the process of loving yourself?  Take a moment today to appreciate your uniqueness and find a reason, find several reasons, to love yourself.  As Lucy said, "Love yourself first and everything else falls into line."  If things are falling into line, maybe you need to go back to the beginning and start over.  It's a do-over; it's allowed.  Start over and love yourself.  Not in a haughty, "I'm better than everyone else" way but in a way that says, "I know me and I love me just as I am.  I may not be perfect, but I don't have to be.  That's what makes me, me." 

Do you want to meet the love of your life? Look in the mirror.

Byron Katie

Compromise

If you have been reading my blog over the past month, you are aware that I have worked with young children.  Now, if you've ever had any dealing with young children, you understand that compromise is generally not in their vocabulary.  They don't want to understand it, they don't intend to understand it, don't even try bringing it up.  But we adults, in a valiant effort, attempt-day after day-to instill in these noble little people the idea that there might be a way for everyone to get what they want and, therefore, be happy.  Most of the kiddos I know don't buy it and rightfully so.


I mean, really, the definition of compromise is: "a settlement of differences reached by mutual concessions."  That means that both (or all) parties have to give up something to get something.  Who is ever happy when they have to give up something? I don't know too many people that are.  Most of the adults I know understand that it's a necessity, but they're not as happy as if they got exactly what they wanted.  It's the human part of us...the competitive part...the selfish part.  We want our way.  We want the other guy to give in.  Life would be good, if only it worked that way.


As you may know, I'm in the process of creating a new business with my cousin and a friend.  This was my idea.  I chose to do this.  And I am getting a crash course on, not only the power of compromise, but, I believe, we are practicing every day, many times a day, Stephen Covey's Pathfinding (vision), Aligning (discipline),  and Empowering (passion).   In the 8th Habit, Dr. Covey lists the seven habits from his previous book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (1. Be proactive; 2. Begin with the End in Mind; 3. Put First Things First; 4. Think Win-Win; 5. Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood; 6. Synergize; 7. Sharpen the Saw).  Well, Dr. Covey, we're doing our best here. 


This is not easy!  I believe anyone who has attempted a project like this, with people from very different parts of the country, who don't really know each other very well, will agree that maybe we bit off more than we could chew.  And yet, so far, we've been able to come to agreement on everything.  When you continue to think Win-Win, where neither party has to "give up" anything, where you find that third alternative that really is better than either of you (or any of you) had in mind when you started, then everybody does end up happy.  It is possible....not easy, but possible!


So, I was thinking about this.  Imagine what would happen in the world if all the leaders were required to practice this idea.  For those of you that haven't read it, the 8th Habit is the sweet spot.  The sweet spot is where The 7 Habits, The 4 Roles of Leadership, and Organizational Greatness come together.  It's where everything and everybody work together for the best interests of the organization.  There is no competition, there are no hurt feelings, there are no sour faces.  Everyone is working as a team to make this good thing happen. 


Now, I'm no Pollyanna. I understand that there will always be conflict in the world.  There will always be war.  There will always be those people who just don't want to get along.  BUT...what would happen if we could get even a few of our world's leaders to practice Dr. Covey's ideas? 


Just thinking.....