Being American Isn't Easy

 

"America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You've gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say, "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours." You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms.

 
Then you can stand up and sing about the land of the free..."

 

"We have serious problems to solve, and we need serious people to solve them. And whatever your particular problem is, I promise you Bob Rumson is not the least bit interested in solving it. He is interested in two things, and two things only: making you afraid of it, and telling you who's to blame for it. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win elections. You gather a group of middle age, middle class, middle income voters who remember with longing an easier time, and you talk to them about family, and American values and character, and you wave an old photo of the President's girlfriend and you scream about patriotism. You tell them she's to blame for their lot in life..." (The American President, 1995).

I love this speech from the movie, The American President, because the words are so real, especially today in this United States.  You can replace the name, 'Bob Rumson,' with whichever political candidate you might choose, but the message is still the same.  Our president doesn't have a girlfriend, but his skin color is black.  Insert that and you have the same message...


Or insert the message that those from a religion we don't know about or understand...


Or that ... well, you fill in the blank with anything you don't like or agree with.


There will always be someone 'different' from us on which to place the blame.


But here's what I know to be true, placing blame and scaring people doesn't solve the problems.  It might win you an election, but the problems remain and, worse still, these actions create new and bigger problems.


For the first time in my adult life I am really afraid for my country, even more so than on September 11, 2001, because this time the threat is us.  We are at a cross-roads where we must choose new leadership for our country.  I have to agree that, given my choices, I would rather choose D - none of the above (not the first time this has happened), but as a citizen of the United States I owe it to my country to vote for the one I believe to be the best choice. 


And here is how I will choose...

Which one will lead most closely to my Christian belief system?
 



That system is not based in anger, finger-pointing, division, and hatred.  That system, my system, is based in love and grace.  These are the things Christ came to earth to teach us.


We have just celebrated the anniversary of the birth of our great country. I've just re-watched all the videos and movies about how this country came to be and I LOVE them!  This creation, as all creations, was HARD!  There was disagreement after disagreement after disagreement, but there were enough clear heads that kept them focused on the end game, the prize, that, against all odds, it worked.


Our first president, George Washington, intended to retire from office after his first term, but was encouraged to continue because he saw the young country leaning towards political parties and division.  He hoped that four more years of his leadership would calm the waters and establish the idea of one for all and all for one.  Alas, after four more years, the tides were cast and political parties were already in place.


The purpose of those political parties?  To further my beliefs over your beliefs, what I think is right over what you think is right.  In other words...POWER and CONTROL.


Here's what Mr. Washington said, "...There is an opinion that parties in free countries are useful checks upon the administration of the government and serve to keep alive the spirit of liberty. This within certain limits is probably true; and in governments of a monarchical cast, patriotism may look with indulgence, if not with favor, upon the spirit of party. But in those of the popular character, in governments purely elective, it is a spirit not to be encouraged. From their natural tendency, it is certain there will always be enough of that spirit for every salutary purpose. And there being constant danger of excess, the effort ought to be by force of public opinion, to mitigate and assuage it. A fire not to be quenched, it demands a uniform vigilance to prevent its bursting into a flame, lest, instead of warming, it should consume..." (published in David C. Claypoole's American Daily Advertiser on September 19, 1796, under the title "The Address of General Washington To The People of The United States on his declining of the Presidency of the United States") 

Mr. President, you were right.  We are being consumed!  We can point fingers and say that 'they' don't belong to the right party or the right religion or the right country or the right skin color, but as long as we keep pointing our fingers at 'them' our problems cannot be solved.  Where are those leaders of so long ago who set aside personal wants and needs to fight for and create these United States of America?  Where is the spirit of compromise and providing for the common good?

We know of only two times that Christ ever showed anger towards anyone.  In both cases his anger was caused by ungodly attitudes and actions by those around him.  These were the religious leaders, the men who knew 'the rules' better than most of the others and yet, Christ corrected them on several occasions telling them that God wasn't about the man-made rules.  God was LOVE.

Look at who Christ spent his time with.  He ate with those no one else would eat with.  He spent his days and nights with the sinners and the sick and the hated.  He was scorned and killed because his love and peace frightened and angered the general population.  They liked the divisions, them and us.  'We are right and they are wrong!'

How, after all these years, can we miss the message of both of these men and so many more?  God continues to send us these men and women of light and we all agree that their message is sound. 

And then we continue to follow the loudest voices shouting just the opposite message.

I fear that one day all too soon God in heaven will be fed up with we human beings and decide that it is time to finish it.  And all these 'Christian' folks who have shouted the loudest and condemned so many others will find that they have missed the opportunity presented to them. 

We live in a great nation, founded in liberty and freedom and tremendous responsibility.  God put us all here in this time, in this place, to do great things.  We will live up to the challenges He has placed before us? 

Will we rise to the challenge and become what He always intended us to be?

The choice is ours to make.  I pray it will be 'the right one!'

 

Two Brothers

Once upon a time, two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side-by-side, sharing machinery and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch. Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference and finally, it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence.

One morning there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter's toolbox. "I 'm looking for a few days' work," he said. "Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could help with? Could I help you?"

"Yes," said the older brother. "I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That's my neighbor. In fact, it's my younger brother! Last week there was a meadow between us. He recently took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll do him one better. See that pile of lumber by the barn? I want you to build me a fence an 8-foot fence -- so I won't need to see his place or his face anymore."

The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post-hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases you." The older brother had to go to town, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day -- measuring, sawing and nailing.

About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job. The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all. It was a bridge .. a bridge that stretched from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work, handrails and all! And the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming toward them, his hand outstretched.. "You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said and done." The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in middle, taking each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox onto his shoulder.

"No, wait! Stay a few days. I've a lot of other projects for you," said the older brother.
"I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but I have many more bridges to build."

"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city."

 Proverbs 16:32

The Seven Powers for Self Control

Lesson 7:  The Power of Intention

Mistakes are opportunities to learn

“A man's errors are his portals of discovery.”

James Joyce

We are now at the final lesson for the Seven Powers for Self Control.  We have learned about the Power of Perception, the Power of Unity, the Power of Attention, the Power of Free Will, the Power of Love, and the Power of Acceptance and now we will focus on the Power of Intention. This power is about looking at mistakes and seeing them as just that…a mistake, a learning opportunity. 

Let’s take a moment and talk about ‘mistakes.’  We all make them.  We all would rather not, but as human beings we will ALL of us make them.  The question becomes, “Why did we make them?”  To really discover the answer to this question, we have to take a look at our motivation or our intent.  If we hurt someone’s feelings, did we intend to hurt their feelings?  If we damaged something, did we intend to damage it?  I’m afraid we all know people who have bad intentions behind their actions.  They really don’t care who they hurt as long as they get what they want.  Then there are the people who deliberately set out to hurt.  Their intention is to hurt someone or a group of someones.  They want to inflict damage.

Thankfully, most of us don’t fit into this category.  When we make a mistake, it is an error.  It was never our intention to hurt or inflict pain of any kind.  It is these experiences that present us with the opportunity to grow and learn.  Think about the mistakes you’ve made in your life.  These were probably experiences that helped to shape who you are today.  You learned lessons from them or you wouldn’t still remember them.  Perhaps the lessons were good ones, maybe they were not so good, maybe even painful.  The point is, there was a lesson you learned from the mistake.

“Mistake is the global term I am using to define conflict situations.  When we make “poor” choices, we create conflicts for ourselves and others…If we are honest with ourselves, we know that in order to act better and change our ways, we must feel good about ourselves.  When we feel poorly, we tend to act poorly,” Becky Bailey tells us in her book Conscious Discipline.   “It is not human nature to feel bad about mistakes and good about accomplishments.  We learn this mind set.”

We need to look at the opportunity presented to us when we make a mistake. When you make a mistake do you see a moment to be responsible or do you see an opportunity to blame.  It is a choice, you know.  I’ve worked with children (and adults) for a long time.  What’s the first thing that happens when there is a conflict or a mistake?  Immediately, there is finger pointing.  “She made me do it!”  Really?  To every mistake made, there was a decision made.  You chose that course of action.  Sometimes you thought far enough ahead to see the consequences and decided the outcome was acceptable to you.  Sometimes you acted before you thought, requiring you to reflect on your choice and its consequences later.  Either way, you made a decision to act.  Either way there are consequences for that choice.  

If we love and accept ourselves, then we are ready, willing, and able to step up and take responsibility for our actions.  We understand the mistake that was made and we know that we will learn from it.  But more than that, we will love ourselves in spite of our actions.  We understand that our intention was honorable.  That we meant good, it just didn’t  turn out that way.  We accept responsibility and we attempt to make amends.  The lesson gets learned.

“What do you first do when you learn to swim? You make mistakes, do you not? And what happens? You make other mistakes, and when you have made all the mistakes you possibly can without drowning - and some of them many times over - what do you find? That you can swim? Well - life is just the same as learning to swim! Do not be afraid of making mistakes, for there is no other way of learning how to live!”

Alfred Adler

Mr. Adler is correct.  Mistakes are how we learn.  It was always posted in my classroom, “Welearn more from our mistakes than we do from our successes.”  This is true, when our intention behind the mistake was good and genuine. 

 

This completes our study of the Seven Powers for Self Control.  It is something we spend our entire lives trying to accomplish.  It is not something that we will do in one day, or one week, or even one year.  It is a process we will spend our lives working to achieve.  Hopefully, when that last day comes, we’ll look back and see that we learned our lessons to the best of our ability. 

Compromise

If you have been reading my blog over the past month, you are aware that I have worked with young children.  Now, if you've ever had any dealing with young children, you understand that compromise is generally not in their vocabulary.  They don't want to understand it, they don't intend to understand it, don't even try bringing it up.  But we adults, in a valiant effort, attempt-day after day-to instill in these noble little people the idea that there might be a way for everyone to get what they want and, therefore, be happy.  Most of the kiddos I know don't buy it and rightfully so.


I mean, really, the definition of compromise is: "a settlement of differences reached by mutual concessions."  That means that both (or all) parties have to give up something to get something.  Who is ever happy when they have to give up something? I don't know too many people that are.  Most of the adults I know understand that it's a necessity, but they're not as happy as if they got exactly what they wanted.  It's the human part of us...the competitive part...the selfish part.  We want our way.  We want the other guy to give in.  Life would be good, if only it worked that way.


As you may know, I'm in the process of creating a new business with my cousin and a friend.  This was my idea.  I chose to do this.  And I am getting a crash course on, not only the power of compromise, but, I believe, we are practicing every day, many times a day, Stephen Covey's Pathfinding (vision), Aligning (discipline),  and Empowering (passion).   In the 8th Habit, Dr. Covey lists the seven habits from his previous book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (1. Be proactive; 2. Begin with the End in Mind; 3. Put First Things First; 4. Think Win-Win; 5. Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood; 6. Synergize; 7. Sharpen the Saw).  Well, Dr. Covey, we're doing our best here. 


This is not easy!  I believe anyone who has attempted a project like this, with people from very different parts of the country, who don't really know each other very well, will agree that maybe we bit off more than we could chew.  And yet, so far, we've been able to come to agreement on everything.  When you continue to think Win-Win, where neither party has to "give up" anything, where you find that third alternative that really is better than either of you (or any of you) had in mind when you started, then everybody does end up happy.  It is possible....not easy, but possible!


So, I was thinking about this.  Imagine what would happen in the world if all the leaders were required to practice this idea.  For those of you that haven't read it, the 8th Habit is the sweet spot.  The sweet spot is where The 7 Habits, The 4 Roles of Leadership, and Organizational Greatness come together.  It's where everything and everybody work together for the best interests of the organization.  There is no competition, there are no hurt feelings, there are no sour faces.  Everyone is working as a team to make this good thing happen. 


Now, I'm no Pollyanna. I understand that there will always be conflict in the world.  There will always be war.  There will always be those people who just don't want to get along.  BUT...what would happen if we could get even a few of our world's leaders to practice Dr. Covey's ideas? 


Just thinking.....