A Baby's Touch

 

Dear Readers,

For the first time, my son is living, full-time, on his own, away from me, in a town 45 miles away.  This is as it should be, but as I decorate the Christmas tree with ornaments we collected over each year of his life, I am struck with how quickly the time has passed and by how I am moved as I place each ornament on the tree and remember that year of his life.  I love this young man--just as much as I loved the baby, the little boy, the big boy and the high school kid.  But what I am most proud of is that we did it together.  I recognized, probably because he was my only one, that I should stop and appreciate each moment and thank God for them.  As you go about your holiday preparations, please remember to take the time to enjoy the gift of your children and family.  Perhaps that's why this story touched me so...

During the busyness of this holiday season, my one year old daughter caught a cold that wouldn’t seem to let go of her. She had it especially rough at night when she had coughing fits. Being a first time, nervous mom, I brought her to bed with me after a particularly bad cough.

As we were drifting to sleep, she wiggled around and her hand fell across my face, brushed my cheek and rested there. I felt as if an electric current was running through my body. Simultaneously, a picture came to mind of a most beautifully wrapped gift — gold foil with delightful maroon ribbons. I realized that God had just sent a wonderful message and gift to me about the things I should be focusing on this Christmas.

Amidst all the buying, decorating, and entertaining, I was shown through the simple touch of my child the most precious gift of all.

My baby’s touch, this year in 1998, must not be so unlike the touch of another precious child 2000 years ago.

Did his mother feel the same way when his hand brushed against her cheek? His life was to touch the world and affect all of us. Hopefully, with my gentle guidance and love, my baby’s touch will affect others as she grows.

by: Deborah Linne, Heartwarmers4u

  

  Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127:3-5

All Grown Up



My son called me last night.  This is a relatively new phenomena for me.  He has lived in and out of my home for the past couple of years, staying with friends for weeks at a time while we works to create his dream.  Then he would come 'home' to my house and stay with me again for a few days or weeks before he would be off again.

Now he has his first place, an apartment of his own with a roommate.  I have seen this place with the usual young kids' lack of furniture, lamps sitting on milk crates, television sitting on the coffee table, clothes in boxes scattered around the room. 

I offered his furniture from my house and he refused.  He wants it left here.  He wants to create his own space.  I remember that desire.  In fact, I still feel that way. 

Many mothers struggle with this change.  The empty-nest syndrome is not something I am struggling with, perhaps because we did it in stages.  I just know that I am excited for him.  His world is opening up and there is so much for him to experience.  He believes the world is his for the taking and he is ready to accept the challenge. 

Do I worry about him?  Of course, I do.  I know the failures that are ahead of him and I won't be there.  I won't know everything that happens to him, not that I have for several years anyway, but I will get glimpses into his life now, not the full picture.  I will know what he wants me to know.

But if I have done my job even reasonably well, he will be alright.  There will be triumphs and failures.  There will be exciting moments and devastating moments.  And he will navigate his way through all of them.  He is a strong person.  He is a capable person.  Whatever challenges he faces, and there will be many as it is with all of us, he will be OK. 

As I sit here and look at the pictures on my desk of the little boy wearing the black cowboy hat holding his new boots and the slightly older boy standing with his grandpa holding their many fish just caught, there is a little twitch of melancholy that those days are long over.  The days when he relied on me for so much are all in the past.  Oh, not that he doesn't need me or want me around now.  Of course he does but in an entirely different way.  And that is alright with me.

I wish him only life's best.  I hope for him to have the courage to take on all challenges and master them.  But, mostly, I just love him...who he is today, who he was yesterday, and who he will be tomorrow.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James 1:2-4

 

Top 10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me Earlier

~ We've had bad luck with children; they've all grown up ~
Christopher Morley

As those of you who have been following me know, I have a nineteen year old son.  I am constantly amazed by how certain he is of EVERYTHING.  I had forgotten what it was like to be that age and so totally adept at deciding how the world should be and do.  As I was contemplating all of this the other night, it occurred to me that I wish someone had told me some things when I was that age. Not that I  would have listened, but...  Maybe it would have a changed some things for me....or maybe not.

Here's my top ten list:

1. Decide today to make as many mistakes as you can. - Don't become so afraid to make the wrong choice that you make no choice.  Every choice has an outcome and every outcome is a lesson learned.  Remember, Thomas Edison said he didn't fail 10,000 times.  He knew 10,000 ways NOT to make a light bulb.  No failures; only lessons learned.
2. Invest in yourself every day. - When you invest in yourself, you can never lose, and over time     you will change the trajectory of your life. You are simply the product of what you know. The more time, energy and money you spend acquiring pertinent knowledge, the more control you have over your life. 
3. Explore new ideas and opportunities often. – Your natural human fears of failure and embarrassment will sometimes stop you from trying new things. But you must rise above these fears, for your life’s story is simply the culmination many small, unique experiences. And the more unique experiences you have, the more interesting your story gets. So seek as many new life experiences as possible.
4. People are not mind readers. -  People will never know how you feel unless you tell them.    That cute girl you haven’t talked to because you’re too shy?  Why would she talk to you if you act like you don't have the time of day for her?   In life, you have to communicate with others. And often, you have to open your vocal cords and speak the first words. You have to tell people what you’re thinking. It’s as simple as that.
5. Make quick decisions and take measurable action. – Either you’re going to take action and seize opportunities, or someone else will first. You can’t change anything or make any sort of progress by sitting back and thinking about it. Remember, there’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it. Knowledge is basically useless without action.
6. Accept and embrace change. – However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So embrace change, and realize that change happens for a reason.  It won’t always be easy or obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it.
7. Don’t worry too much about what other people think about you. – For the most part, what other people think and say about you really doesn't matter.  When I was 18, I let the opinions of my high school and early college peers influence my decisions. And, at times, they steered me away from ideas and goals I strongly believed in. I realize now, many years later, that this was a foolish way to live, especially when I consider that nearly all of these people whose opinions I cared so much about are no longer a part of my life. Unless you’re trying to make a great first impression (job interview, first date, etc.), don’t let the opinions of others stand in your way. What they think and say about you isn’t important. What is important is how you feel about yourself.
8. Ask lots of questions. – The greatest ‘adventure’ is the ability to inquire, to ask questions. Sometimes in the process of inquiry, the search is more significant than the answers. Answers come from other people, from the universe of knowledge and history, and from the intuition and deep wisdom inside yourself. These answers will never surface if you never ask the right questions. Thus, the simple act of asking the right questions is the answer.
9. Always be honest with yourself and others. – Living a life of honesty creates peace of mind, and peace of mind is priceless. Period.   And lastly...
10. Be who you were born to be. – You must follow your heart, and be who you were born to be.    Some of us were born to be musicians – to communicate intricate thoughts and rousing feelings   with  the strings of a guitar. Some of us were born to be poets – to touch people’s hearts with exquisite prose. Some of us were born to be entrepreneurs – to create growth and opportunity where others saw rubbish. And still, some of us were born to be or do whatever it is, specifically, that moves you. Regardless of what you decide to do in your lifetime, you better feel it in every fiber of your being. You better be born to do it! Don’t waste your life fulfilling someone else’s dreams and desires.

But above all, laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can’t change. Life is short, yet amazing. Enjoy the ride!

Grow Deep Not Just Tall

Many, many years ago I met a woman who presented a staff development program at our school district who wrote several books, one of which was Grow Deep Not Just Tall.  I absolutely loved her presentation and her books and they have helped to form my philosophy not only of teaching but of living and relationships.  This book touched something in me that I can't even really explain, I just know I love the message that she presents.  Karen Kaiser Clark taught me a lot in the few hours she was with us that day, twenty three years ago.  And I thank her!

Preface
Humans have always searched for an oracle, a source of wise counsel and prophetic vision.  Oracles can take any form.  In this book it is an old, gnarled, oak tree that speaks to us.  This wise and weathered spirit has lived through many seasons.  He continues to Grow Deep Not Just Tall.  Openly he shares the gift of who he is with those who choose to listen. 

Our culture teaches us to be logical and sequential in our thinking.  Growth is often perceived as a progression from infancy, childhood, adolescence and finally into adulthood.  We are encouraged to look outside ourselves to find truth and strength.  We engage in competitive comparisons to define our levels of success and value.  The Tree offers a different and balancing perception.

Growing deep, like wisdom, extends beyond objective, critical forms of thinking.  Inches, seasons, even years address only the externals of real growth.  As The Tree cautions, "Look beyond the surface of first impressions."  The seasons in this book do not necessarily parallel the stages of human growth.  Reach deep within your core for light and warmth.  The Tree affirms, "We are each so much more than what some reduce to measuring."

This little book is filled with life and hope.  It does not give answers.  Rather, it offers invitations to you.  My Friend, to journey with The Tree and to grow through each season in your own way.  Search with your heart for what is real in each page.  The seeds of new beginnings are hidden everywhere; in the words, in the drawings and in you.  Growth takes time and patience to nurture into fullness.  Risk letting go and re-discover your own magic.  The gift of choice is yours.  Will you choose to live fully and to Grow Deep Not Just Tall?  The Tree patiently awaits your decision.

I was doing some research for a book that I'm currently working on and was drawn to this little book again for guidance and wisdom.  I encourage you to take a little time and discover it for yourself. 

You can find Ms. Clark's website at http://www.karenkaiserclark.com/.  There you can learn more about her and her wonderful books.

Enter the Lair

If you have been following my blog over the past few weeks (I thank you, if you have been) you are aware that I have one child, a son, age 19 in nine days.  He has chosen not to attend college this year in lieu of trying to start a technology business.   I don't begin to understand what he's doing.  He has attempted to explain it to me a few times and I hang in there with him until the third of fourth sentence, at which time my eyes glaze over and my brain becomes mush.  I try to understand, I really do, but the things he is talking about are so far out of my frame of reference that I can't.  I just can't.  Moreover, while I want to be involved in his life, computers and applications and all of those glorious technological wonders hold no interest for me whatsoever.  I enjoy my cell phone and my computer, but I don't need to know how it all works.  I don't care, as long as they do work.

My son has his own space in the basement of our home.  It is a walk-out basement so he can come and go at his leisure.  He checks in with me once in a while and we visit about how things are going for both of us but mostly he is on his own.  He prepares his own meals when he is home.  He's done his own laundry for years.  He is responsible to clean up his space and, while it's not like I would do it, it is liveable and not a safety hazard.  I don't go to the basement often, except to do laundry.



We moved to this house and this community a few months ago.  My son's version of packing was to throw his clothes in trash bags (everything except the hanging clothes).   It was a very efficient means of transporting his earthly possessions (much easier to fit in his car than boxes) to our new home.  My problem with it is:  a lot of his clothes are still in the bags, stacked in the corner.  When I asked him if we could give those things away since he wasn't wearing them anymore, his response was a resounding NO.  My next suggestion was to offer to wash, dry and fold them for him so that he could use what was there.  He thanked me very politely and said he would take care of it.  

I have tried to ignore the bags.  I have told myself that it's his stuff and he's a big boy, able to take care of it.  I know this is MY issue, not his.  I want to wash, dry and fold those clothes!  So, this morning, while he is not here, I am doing my son's laundry.  This is not the first time I've done this.  I washed a couple of bags a few weeks ago.  He noticed within a few days and told me that I had messed up his system, but he wasn't too upset about it.  

As a parenting instructor and teacher of children for many years, I know that what I am doing is NOT what I would advise other parents to do.  I have told myself the same thing for quite a while.  They are his things, not mine.  They are in his space, not mine.  It doesn't hurt anything to have the clothes in the bags.  

Maybe it's that there are very few things that I can do for my son now that he is "grown up."  His choices are his own and he will have to live with the consequences, good and bad, of those choices.  Gone are the days when he runs to me with all the problems of his life.  Maybe doing his laundry is just a way to care for my son.  One day all too soon he will move out of my home permanently and I won't be able to do even this for him.  It doesn't mean I won't try or I won't be there when he asks.  He must live his own life and I'm OK with that.  I'm ready for that--most days.  Maybe today I just need to be with him in the only way I can--doing his laundry.  I'm pretty sure I'll be over it by tomorrow!