Oh, So Many Changes

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

 



 

As I read this quotation this morning, I had to stop and wonder about all the 'lives' I have had.  I jokingly talk quite frequently about doing things 'in a former life' and people tend to find that humorous. 

 

It's interesting that I find myself writing my own words today instead of sharing someone else's whom I find challenging or inspiring.  The past few days several friends and I have carried on an ever-evolving conversation about this very topic.  They are amazed when I talk about my life as the christian education director at a church far away and then my next life as a preschool teacher and new mother, then my life as the founder and creator of an organization for children who were abused or neglected, and then my life as the director of a family resource center providing all levels and types of services to families in rural middle-America.  Then there was my life as an unemployed middle-ager with a teen aged son. And now my life as the program director at another church.  That's just the last twenty-two years.  There were many other lives before these.

 

These friends have lived in the same community their entire lives, doing the same jobs, living in the same house, with the same friends.  They are amazed at the "adventure" my life has been.  I am amazed at theirs.

 

I don't know that I would call my life an adventure.  The dictionary describes adventure as: an exciting experience, a bold undertaking, or financial speculation.  Well, I guess my life up to this age of fifty-five years, has been an adventure. 

 

Certainly, it has had its excitement.  No, I haven't had glamorous trips around the world.  I don't party with the movers and shakers at any level.  I work hard at keeping in the background as much as I possibly can so that what I do doesn't become about me, but about the cause to which I've given my time, my money, and my talents.  Certainly, the majority of the folks reading this will think there was little excitement in what I did, but for me the challenge of taking on that position, that cause, was and is excitement.  Making a difference and leaving that place a little better because I was there is the excitement. 

 

I am sure that many would not think what I have done was bold, but if you had known me as a child you would be amazed at some of the things I have done.  I was very shy as a child, afraid to speak to anyone who wasn't well-known to me.  I have sat with senators and law enforcement officers and leaders at the local, state and national levels about the issues that I hold dear to my heart.  I have called those meetings, and those people have come to talk to me.  Pretty bold for a little girl who used to hope that no one noticed her.

 

And about that financial speculation, well, anyone who knows me knows that I have tried never to make money the issue.  I am not a wealthy woman by any stretch of the imagination.  In fact, the last few years have been a challenge for me financially, but I am a survivor and I will continue to do the work that I believe is important and know that it always works out in the end.  Don't get me wrong, I am doing alright but I will NEVER make what I do about the money.  Some will say that this philosophy is foolish.  For those folks, I simply say, "You will never understand, and that's OK." 

 

This life--all of it, the BIG one--is about growing, stretching yourself, and continually learning...about the world, about those around you, and mostly about yourself.  Each life held its lessons and at the end of all of them, its about what you did to make the world and the people around you better, because of some little thing you may have done, or not done as the case may be.

 

Each life will have its challenges, its bold steps, and its financial speculations, but it will also hold all the riches that come with meeting those challenges, bold steps, and financial speculations head-on, accepting them, and surpassing them.  Then you can rise to the next level...

 

And begin the next life. 

 

"Neither do men pour new wine into old wineskins.
If they do, the skins will burst, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined.
No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved."Matthew 9:17

 



One Life

One SONG can spark a moment
One FLOWER can wake the dream
One TREE can start a forest
One BIRD can herald spring
One SMILE begins a friendship
One HANDCLASP lifts a soul
One STAR can guide a ship at sea
One WORD can frame the goal
One VOTE can change a nation
One SUNBEAM lights a room
One CANDLE wipes out darkness
One LAUGH will conquer gloom
One STEP must start each journey
One WORD must start a prayer
One HOPE will raise our spirits
One TOUCH can show you care
One VOICE can speak with wisdom
One HEART can know what is true
One LIFE can make a difference.

Author Unknown

"As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another,

as good stewards of God's varied grace:"

1 Peter 4:10

My Comfort Zone



I  use to have a Comfort Zone
Where I knew I couldn't fail
The same four walls of busy work
Were really more like jail.

I longed so much to do the things
I'd never done before,
But I stayed inside my Comfort Zone
And paced the same old floor

I claimed to be so busy
With the things inside my zone,
But deep inside I longed for
Something special of my own.

I couldn't let my life go by,
Just watching others win.
I held my breath and stepped outside
And let the change begin.

I took a step and with new strength
I'd never felt before,
I kissed my Comfort Zone 'goodbye'
And closed and locked the door.

If you are in a Comfort Zone,
Afraid to venture out,
Remember that all winners were
At one time filled with doubt.

A step or two and words of praise,
Can make your dreams come true.
Greet your future with a smile,
Success is there for you!

Author Unknown

And those who know your name put their trust in you,
for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.

Psalm 9:10

Sometimes the Lord Calms the Storm; Sometimes He Lets the Storm Rage and Calms His Child



In Especially for a Woman, Beverly LaHaye writes about how upset she was when her husband, Tim, told her he wanted to take flying lessons.  Her quick response was, "I think you're foolish!  Why would you want to get into a plane with only one engine?"

Tim asked her to pray about the matter, but she writes, "I started right off giving God my opinions and drawing my own conclusions.  My fear...was controlling me."  Time suggested, "Be open with the Lord...  Let Him know you're afraid of flying, but that you're willing to be changed if that's what He would have."

Beverly did just that.  Tim took flying lessons, and repeatedly she committed her fears--and their lives --to the Lord.

Years later she was a passenger in a commuter plane that was caught in a storm.  As the plane bounced in the sky, the LaHaye's attorney--normally a very calm man--felt sure they were going to crash.  Then he looked over and saw that Beverly was asleep!  He asked her later, "How could you sleep so peacefully?"

Beverly responded, "It has to be God.  Only He could have brought me from that crippling fearfulness...to a place where I could fly through such a storm and be at peace."

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:7

Where Have All the Children Gone?

Gone to Grown-Ups, Everyone!

I was cleaning off my bookshelf the other day and found a book that I had forgotten that I had.  It's called Where Have All the Children Gone? and it was written by Karen Kaiser Clark.  I had the opportunity to meet Ms. Kaiser Clark many, many years ago when she led an in-service for the teachers in my school district in Kansas.  I was very impressed with her, enough to say that she  influenced the work of a very young, first year teacher, even to this day. 

The premise of this book is that as adults we strive to leave behind childish things and reach for a level of sophistication that we believe entitles us to be called "adults."  Her concern is that it is exactly this sophistication on the outside that tends to keep us from growing deep on the inside.  We are, most certainly, never too old to change, but that is a choice that we must make.  There is a child within each of us, somewhere.  Change is good, but change can also be not so good. 

I see this in my high school friends who have become grandparents.  It is so much fun to listen to them tell their stories of playing with their grand kids.  It provides a convenient excuse to do all those things we feel silly doing on our own, like laying in the grass and watching the clouds, pretending to be a princess or a crime fighter, singing silly songs, splashing in the puddles, or just taking a long walk for no reason at all.  When was the last time you did any of these?  I'll be honest and tell you that I haven't done some of them since I moved away from my little neighbor boys.  I'm afraid my new neighbors, who don't know me very well, would be concerned about the stability of my mind, if I went out to lay in the yard and watch the clouds or played princess.  So I sit on my deck and watch the clouds.  I have played in the puddles a few times.

Here is a small excerpt from the book:

Someday I'll be one too.  A grown-up!  I don't know if I want to be one...But I'm afraid I don't have a choice about it.  It seems the children part of people just goes away and boys and girls become grown-ups.
I wonder what it means to be a grown-up.  Does it mean more than getting big?  What does "mature" mean?  My grandma says it's what some grown-ups are.  She ways, "Few of us ever really mature.  Most of us just grow up tall."  I wonder what she means.
I wonder about a lot of things.  Kids do that.
I wonder if God can see the color of my eyes even when I'm sleeping.
I wonder where the white goes when the snow melts.
I wonder what flowers think of people and who wins wars.
I wonder if grown-ups ever wonder.
Grown-ups are always in such a hurry.  Then they complain about not having time to grow.  I wonder why.  I wrote a poem about them.

Grown-Ups

There go the grown-ups, forever rushing, filled with answers, always in control.  I wish that they would listen just a little more to me.  I wonder if they question all those things they seem so sure of.

Standing so much taller, they have a lot more power.  At times I feel frightened and unseen.  I wonder if the me today will simply disappear, when I am all grown-up and one of them.  I hope not.

Why do grown-ups do so many things?  Usually I see them doing a least two things at one time.  Like my mom, she doesn't just watch T.V.  She knits, reads the paper, watches T.V. and wiggles her foot all at the same time.  My daddy's very busy too.  He doesn't have time to just sit and talk with me.

As you can see, Ms. Kaiser Clark writes this book from the perspective of a child.  I think this is really important because it serves as a reminder to those of us who claim to be adults that we need to remember, for a lot of reasons, what it's like to be a child.  Remember how excited you got, as a child, with the first snow of the season, or the first warm day to go to the swimming pool?  One of my favorite summer memories was on those really hot days, before we all had air conditioners.  We would load up the six of us (my entire family) and head to the A & W for a frosty mug of root beer.  There was NOTHING better!  How I miss those frosty mugs!

I think it's important for us to enjoy the 'childish' part of ourselves sometimes.  I think it's possible to be an adult and to still access that child within, for ourselves and for those around us, especially when those around us are children.  It always saddens me to hear parents or any adult telling a child to "grow up."  My goodness, that happens all too quickly without any encouragement (or discouragement) from others!  You know, ages are just numbers that our society has decided to use to determine how many years we've been on this earth.  Let me repeat that...THEY ARE JUST NUMBERS!  They are useful for many purposes, but they can be detrimental when they are used in non-productive ways. 

I would encourage you to take time out today to remember some of the 'childish' things you loved when you were younger.  Make a list of them.  Now, stop and think about why you loved them so much.  Do you still love them today? 

Let's make each other a promise...TODAY we will remember one 'childish' thing we loved to do and we will do it again...TODAY.  Be childish, have some fun, rejoice in your life! 

Tell me what your favorite 'childish' activities are.  I look forward to reading them all! 

Mowers



Let me be clear, this is NOT my mower, but it sure looks like it would be fun!  As I sit here at my desk, I can hear two mowers running outside.  It is April and so perhaps a little early for mowing the yard, but as I look at my grass, it too will need to be mowed in a short period of time.  I don't mind mowing my yard, I really don't.  I still use the old push mower with the grass clippings blowing out the chute.  They tell me it's the best fertilizer you can use, so, unless the grass is exceptionally tall, I just leave it.  I don't really have much of a yard so it doesn't take long to do it and I really like to look out and know that I did it and it's all done...for now.

I also see, sitting here, that the neighbor's yard is full of those lovely little yellow flowers that children like to pick so much.  I sure hope he takes care of the dandelions so that they don't spread to my yard.  I don't mind looking at them over there and I always keep the ones little hands bring me (for a short time), but I don't really want them growing in my yard.  After all, they are weeds and I have enough of my own weeds, thank you very much!

I generally spend quite a bit of time in my yard, of course, this is a new yard.  When I moved here in the late fall, there wasn't much to do.  I mowed a couple of times and then it was cold and winter soon approached.  I love to landscape and create new areas of beauty; flowers, bushes, bird baths and feeders.  This year I will have a deck to work with too, lots of opportunities for creating new beauty here.  And I see the weeds are growing here as well.

Why is it that the weeds continue to grow when nothing else does?  It can be the driest year on record.  All the plants that you paid money for are barely surviving but the weeds are thriving.  Why is that?  What makes them so strong, stronger than the beautiful, expensive ones you've chosen? 

Isn't that the case with the 'weeds' in your life?  You work and work at correcting bad habits, but they just keep popping up!  Just when you think you've finally laid it to rest, it will pop right back up and blow all over your 'yard' again.  Someone asked me the other day why habits were so hard to break.  I've been thinking about that and I think it's because they are easy.  It takes no work to continue to do what you've always done.  You don't even have to think about it.  It's automatic.

To do something better, to do it differently, takes thought, but more than thought, it takes action.  That's several steps to make a change.  It doesn't mean that it's impossible.  It just means that you have to work at it.  Like my yard, it takes time and patience.  Kill those weeds!  A little bit every day will make a big difference.  If you think about it and then take action on it, every day, then you will gradually create a new, better habit; one that will make you feel better about yourself.  You've thought enough of yourself to give yourself this gift!  And won't your new 'yard' look nice!

Happy mowing!

Enter the Lair

If you have been following my blog over the past few weeks (I thank you, if you have been) you are aware that I have one child, a son, age 19 in nine days.  He has chosen not to attend college this year in lieu of trying to start a technology business.   I don't begin to understand what he's doing.  He has attempted to explain it to me a few times and I hang in there with him until the third of fourth sentence, at which time my eyes glaze over and my brain becomes mush.  I try to understand, I really do, but the things he is talking about are so far out of my frame of reference that I can't.  I just can't.  Moreover, while I want to be involved in his life, computers and applications and all of those glorious technological wonders hold no interest for me whatsoever.  I enjoy my cell phone and my computer, but I don't need to know how it all works.  I don't care, as long as they do work.

My son has his own space in the basement of our home.  It is a walk-out basement so he can come and go at his leisure.  He checks in with me once in a while and we visit about how things are going for both of us but mostly he is on his own.  He prepares his own meals when he is home.  He's done his own laundry for years.  He is responsible to clean up his space and, while it's not like I would do it, it is liveable and not a safety hazard.  I don't go to the basement often, except to do laundry.



We moved to this house and this community a few months ago.  My son's version of packing was to throw his clothes in trash bags (everything except the hanging clothes).   It was a very efficient means of transporting his earthly possessions (much easier to fit in his car than boxes) to our new home.  My problem with it is:  a lot of his clothes are still in the bags, stacked in the corner.  When I asked him if we could give those things away since he wasn't wearing them anymore, his response was a resounding NO.  My next suggestion was to offer to wash, dry and fold them for him so that he could use what was there.  He thanked me very politely and said he would take care of it.  

I have tried to ignore the bags.  I have told myself that it's his stuff and he's a big boy, able to take care of it.  I know this is MY issue, not his.  I want to wash, dry and fold those clothes!  So, this morning, while he is not here, I am doing my son's laundry.  This is not the first time I've done this.  I washed a couple of bags a few weeks ago.  He noticed within a few days and told me that I had messed up his system, but he wasn't too upset about it.  

As a parenting instructor and teacher of children for many years, I know that what I am doing is NOT what I would advise other parents to do.  I have told myself the same thing for quite a while.  They are his things, not mine.  They are in his space, not mine.  It doesn't hurt anything to have the clothes in the bags.  

Maybe it's that there are very few things that I can do for my son now that he is "grown up."  His choices are his own and he will have to live with the consequences, good and bad, of those choices.  Gone are the days when he runs to me with all the problems of his life.  Maybe doing his laundry is just a way to care for my son.  One day all too soon he will move out of my home permanently and I won't be able to do even this for him.  It doesn't mean I won't try or I won't be there when he asks.  He must live his own life and I'm OK with that.  I'm ready for that--most days.  Maybe today I just need to be with him in the only way I can--doing his laundry.  I'm pretty sure I'll be over it by tomorrow!