MY ONE WORD

For the past couple of years now I lead a study in which we chose a word to guide the coming days, the next year.  My very first word is still posted on my refrigerator and speaks to me as I work as a reminder that it is not necessary for me to have absolute control.  Now, this is an idea that does not come easily to me first, by my very nature and second, as I'm discovering, by my life experiences. My first word was BE.  Simple, right?  Just BE...to remain unmolested, undisturbed, or uninterrupted.  Let me tell you, it's far easier sounding than doing!  And what I also discovered was that God was about to give me all kinds of lessons in practicing that simple little two-letter word. 

I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart.  And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give.  So don't be troubled or afraid.  

John 14:27

Message:  Stop being the busy little bee and just be. 

So the second year I was better prepared to choose a word that would, perhaps, be a little easier.  Oh, such foolhardiness!  POSITIVE...meaning find the positive, be the positive.  As prepared as I thought I was, I had no idea what God would lay out for me over the course of this year and being POSITIVE, finding the POSITIVE was not always easy. In fact, a lot of days I didn't find it. I would start each morning with scripture and quotes and prayer to lead me and I would end each night with the same but I have to admit, in looking back over the past 361 days, I fear I failed more than I succeeded...oops!  Darn it!  See how difficult it is?

While the first year held all nature of challenges to BE, POSITIVE went beyond anything I could have imagined.  Major illness, loss of a job, moving to a new community in a new state, leaving such dear loved ones...

It has been a challenge to be sure and I have not been very successful, especially in these last few days of the year.

Watch the way you talk.  Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth.  

Say only what helps, each word a gift.

Ephesians 4:29

Your challenge is not your challenge.  

Now it is time to choose a new word and I have to admit that I'm more than a little gun-shy.  My goodness, the simple little word that is chosen carries so much power!  Who knew?

I have been a teacher in one capacity or another for over forty years.  I know words and I know how powerful they can be to build or destroy, but I never understood the power of a single word and the impact it can have in shaping who we are.  Choosing one word changes our focus from so many things that are demanding our attention every moment of every day to one thing.  And that one thing, that one word, begins to change you from the inside out.  

As I read through my journal that I, quite honestly, had set aside over the past several months I find that perhaps I have learned more than I realized.  If nothing else, I caught myself as I was heading down that less than POSITIVE road.  While my goal was to do my best to totally eliminate the negativity in my head and mouth, maybe I've taken some steps to at least recognize, if not apologize, for the fear that came through.  That's really what it was...fear. Anger over other's actions or inactions.  You know, anger is really just a cover for some other emotion.  So mine is ...  Fear... of not being in control (see that little two-letter word again)?  Fear for someone else.  Fear of someone else.  Fear that ... Oh my goodness!  Do you see how easy it is to forget?

BE.  POSITIVE.  And the next word is...

I really don't know.  I have started my list and I'll begin to work through the words to eventually choose one.  God has brought me through some challenges as I've chosen these words that I couldn't have imagined and He will see me through the next.  I have learned to BE, mostly.  I have learned to look for and find the POSITIVE, sometimes.  But most of all I have learned that whatever word I choose, the Lord will lead me through it.  It might be a bumpy ride full of surprises but here's what came to me this morning,

"God does not call us to a safe faith. He does not promise that we will have a clear view of all that lies ahead. He does not promise us simplicity. Instead, He invites us to embrace a vibrant faith that trusts Him. A faith that is alive and energized, in spite of the unsteady unknowns. His arms are not too short to save and His ears are not dull to hear. He is powerful, capable, compassionate, merciful, holy, just, and faithful."  (from Girlfriends in God, Help for a Heart That Worries, by Gwen Smith).

“Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor is his ear to dull to hear.”

Isaiah 59:1 

When I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.  Psalm 56:3

Hmm...maybe I should add that word to my list.

Joy

And Joy is Everywhere;
It is in the Earth's green covering of grass;
In the blue serenity of the Sky;
In the reckless exuberance of Spring;
In the severe abstinence of grey Winter;
In the Living flesh that animates our bodily frame;
In the perfect poise of the Human figure, noble and upright;
In Living;
In the exercise of all our powers;
In the acquisition of Knowledge;
in fighting evils...
Joy is there
Everywhere.

Rabindranath Tagore

Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death they would be asked two questions and their answers would determine whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife. The first question was, 'Did you bring joy?' The second was, 'Did you find joy?

Dr. Leo Buscaglia

These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

John 15:11

Letter Written by Fra Giovanni



I am your friend and my love for you goes deep. There is nothing I can give you which you have not got, but there is much, very much, that, while I cannot give it, you can take.

No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in today. Take heaven!

No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instant. Take peace!

The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach is joy. There is radiance and glory in the darkness could we but see - and to see we have only to look. I beseech you to look!

Life is so generous a giver, but we, judging its gifts by the covering, cast them away as ugly, or heavy or hard. Remove the covering and you will find beneath it a living splendor, woven of love, by wisdom, with power.

Welcome it, grasp it, touch the angel's hand that brings it to you. Everything we call a trial, a sorrow, or a duty, believe me, that angel's hand is there, the gift is there, and the wonder of an overshadowing presence. Our joys, too, be not content with them as joys. They, too, conceal diviner gifts.

Life is so full of meaning and purpose, so full of beauty - beneath its covering - that you will find earth but cloaks your heaven.

Courage, then, to claim it, that is all. But courage you have, and the knowledge that we are all pilgrims together, wending through unknown country, home.

And so, at this time, I greet you. Not quite as the world sends greetings, but with profound esteem and with the prayer that for you now and forever, the day breaks, and the shadows flee away.

Fra Giovanni

 "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will havetribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

What Will Matter



Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear. So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.

It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant. Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you built, not what you got but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage, or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.

What will matter is not your memories but the memories that live in those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.
Michael Josephson

'Love your enemies!  Pray for those who persecute you!  In that way you will be acting as true sons of your Father in heaven...' But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.

Matthew 5:44,46

I Am Powerful!

I am very powerful!
Whatever I set my mind on having, I will have.
Whatever I decide to be, I will be.
The evidence is all around me.
The power of my will has brought me precisely to where I am right now.
I have made the choices. I have held the thoughts.
I have taken the actions to create my current reality.
And I have the power to change it into whatever I want it to be.
With the choices I make, I am constantly fulfilling the vision I have for my life.
If that does not seem to be the case --
then I am deceiving myself about what I really want.
Because what I really, truly want, I will get!
What I truly wanted in the past, I already have.
If I want to build a billion-dollar business, I will take the actions necessary to do it.
If I want to sit comfortably watching TV night after night --
I will take the actions necessary for that.
Don’t be disappointed in my results --
they’re just the outward manifestation of my priorities.
I will be sure of what I truly want,
because I am sure to get it!

by Author Unknown

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary,and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

The Seven Powers for Self Control

Lesson 3:  The Power of Attention

What you focus on you get more of.

This is a hard concept to understand well.  After all, we are taught in this society, that if we focus and work hard for something, we can make it happen.  Our understanding of this is simply that if we want something we just work for it and if we work hard enough, it will happen.   The part that very few seem to understand is that it also works in reverse.  When we focus on bad stuff, we get more bad stuff.  It’s as simple as that.

Whether you think you can or can't, either way you are right.

Henry Ford

We all know people who tend to focus on the bad stuff; their glass is always half empty.  I met a woman recently who was this way.  When I remarked at how glad I was that the fog had burned off and the sun had come out, she responded that there was no way the day would be good when it had gotten off to that kind of nasty start.  When I answered her in return that it had to get better from there, her retort was that there was just no way it possibly could be.  I tried one more time, “I hope that you have only good things from here on out today.”  Her response, “Well, there’s just no way; I don’t think that will happen.”  I found myself anxiously trying to move away from her.  I was very happy, after driving in extremely dense fog for four hours, to see the sun and know that I was safe in my destination.  I’m not sure that this woman would ever feel safe.  Maybe she had some devastating news to start her day, I don’t know, but I do know just being with her made me feel bad and she didn’t want it to change.

What a miserable way to live your life!  Remember the Charlie Brown character, Pigpen?  He was always surrounded with a cloud of dirt.  So is this woman, but her ‘dirt’ is of her own making.  She is choosing to focus on the negative things in her life.  And what you focus on you get more of.  Like attracts like, so if you choose to focus all day on the fact that you woke up late so everything will be wrong today, it will.  It’s just as easy to switch your focus to include, “Well, it’s got to be better from here on out.”  It’s a fifty/fifty chance either way, but if you predetermine what will happen by your attitude, there is NO chance of a good day. 

 This is especially true when you are working with children.  I have seen time after time when a teacher or parent is focusing on what they don’t want a child to do, they get exactly that.  Why?  Because they’ve already laid the groundwork for that outcome.  There was a little boy, preschool age, several years ago who loved coming to school.  This was his first educational experience and he was excited about it.  Now, sitting still and listening were not habits he had learned, at all, yet, so his teacher, who had limited experience in a setting such as this, was not comfortable with his behaviors and how to ‘control’ him.  Her form of ‘positive discipline’ was to seat him beside her at all times.  If she moved around the room, she held his wrist and made him follow her.  At the end of the class time, she would meet the parents, sometimes waiting in the street for them, to share the issues of the day.  And there always were issues.  It got so bad, that the parent would greet the child with, “Well, what did you screw up today?”  It’s no wonder this little guy got to the point that he hated school.  He was never allowed to be successful.  They were all set for him to do wrong and he did.  Who wouldn’t under those circumstances?  What they focused on, they got more of.  

Hold a picture of yourself long and steadily enough in your mind's eye, and you will be drawn toward it.

Napoleon Hill

No doubt this young man needed to learn how to be a good listener and how to remain focused in his new environment, but my great fear is that the pattern for his education was set in this first experience and that the rest of his educational life will be colored by the beginning.  I know that his next two years were not much better so the chances of him finding school enjoyable and being successful are probably pretty slim.  You know how teachers love to ‘share’ in the faculty lounge and the word has gotten around that this young man is a problem…therefore, he probably will be.

Why is it that we human beings seem to prefer to focus on the bad things rather than the good ones?  I believe that we have been programmed by very well-meaning people who were trying to protect themselves and us.  The idea that if you don’t set your sights too high then you won’t be hurt, seems to pervade our society, when just the opposite is just as true.  We may well face heartbreaks and failures in anything that we try to do, especially if it is new to us, and if we let those failures stop us from trying again, then we have chosen to limit our future.  It didn’t just happen to us, it happened because of us.  What do you think the chances are for this young man to believe in himself; to find any self-worth there?  While his parents love him immensely, they, as well as the educators, have told him repeatedly that he really isn’t capable of being successful.  He is destined to “screw up.”

I would hope that this young man will happen along someone in his life who will break the pattern and tell this young man just how lovable and capable he really is.  I hope that they look beyond the behaviors that, by now, I’m sure are very much habit, and see the young man who has a remarkable intelligence and sense of humor.  His creativity knows no bounds and when he is challenged, he is more than capable of following the rules and enjoying learning.  I know because I had the young man in summer camp-an educational, creative setting for the summer.  I found him to be a challenge to my teaching skills, merely to stay ahead of him.  He pushed me to my limits in keeping him challenged and occupied.   The difference was, I expected him to do well…and he did.  I greeted his parents with the good things he had done throughout the day.  Unfortunately, this experience only lasted the summer and then he went back to school where the teacher were “ready for him.”

 It’s just as easy to find good things.  Sometimes, for a young man with the history that this one has, you have to look hard at first, but there are positives and the more you focus on the positives, the more you will find.  The more success he had, the more success came.  Parents, child, and teacher focused on the good stuff, not the bad.  It was a choice we all made.  It’s a choice you can make. 



I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Thomas Edison

The Seven Powers for Self Control

I'd like to take the next several days and look at the Seven Powers for Self Control.  It seems to me that in today's world we have lost our ability to control ourselves; maybe this is why we work so hard to control everything and everyone around us.  Instead of looking outside of ourselves, I would suggest we stop and take a look in the mirror.  It really is not difficult if we think things through a little bit.  These are skills that we all need to work on.  Let's start with:

Lesson 1: The Power of Perception

from FunnyHubhttp://www.funnyhub.com/pictures/pages/mirror-image-perceptions.html

No one can make you mad without your permission

It really is true that no one can make you angry without your permission.  We all like to believe that someone outside of ourselves is responsible for the way we respond in any given situation, but the reality is, it is a choice that we make.  It is so much easier not to take responsibility for our actions, but as we mature we understand that we must be responsible for what we do.  We must set the example for our children so that we model for them the way they should be.

William Shakespeare said, "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."  It isn't what they said or did that made you mad.  It's what you thought about what they said that made you mad.  Circumstances and others' comments collide with our attitudes, thoughts, beliefs, and values.  People don't upset us.  Circumstances can't make us unhappy.  It is our interpretation of those circumstances or the words and actions of others that upset us causing anger, sadness, or self-pity.  A continued focus on anger, sadness, and self-pity evolve into hate, rage, revenge depression, and resentment toward self, other people, life, or God.

Most people don’t understand that emotions can be controlled.  Remember, what we focus on we get more of, so shift your focus.  Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People says, “Seek first to understand, then be understood.”  Life has given each of us our own unique vision of the world.  All of the events of our lives have shaped and molded the lenses in which we view everything.  My lens is different than your lens and your lens is different from everyone else’s.  There is no way that we can truly understand what it is to look through another’s lens.  Even if we try, we will never see what they see.

Therefore, the best that we can do is try to understand.  It is important to clarify the intention of the person who has ‘offended’ you.  Communication is a very difficult concept.  Even at best, the words that we use will have many different meanings.  Based on your ‘lens,’ you see and hear words differently than someone else.   Ask the person to re-state what it is they said, or you attempt to re-state what you heard them say.  Then they have the opportunity to say again what they intended.  Sometimes this takes a long time to truly be understood.

It is important to be aware of your own thoughts and feelings.  When you do this, you put yourself in control of your behavior.  When you just react without thinking or acknowledging yourself, you put others in control of you.  We each have around 60,000 thoughts in our heads each day.  Tomorrow will be almost entirely the same 60,000 thoughts we had today.  This ‘loop’ is continually playing in our brains.  It never stops.  Do you know what you’re thinking right now?  I would venture to say that you don’t.  Richard Carlson suggests in his book Easier Than You Think that you watch the screen of your mind like you watch the movie screen.  Just watch your thoughts go by for a short period of time.  Don’t judge what you see, just watch.  You’ll be amazed.  You’ll become aware.

You cannot teach children the power of self-control if you haven’t mastered it yourself and self-control begins with your perceptions.  You would not purposely hand control over to your children, but when you allow them to control what you do or don’t do, that is exactly what you are doing.  When you say, “You make me so mad,” or “Don’t make me…” you are putting that other person in control of you.  You’re saying that for this moment in time, I’ll let you be in charge of me and my actions. 

Stop what you’re thinking right now and change it.  Don’t give anyone permission to upset you.  Take back control of your life.  Self-control is an act of love and a moment-by-moment choice.  Seize the moment, now.

“I've suffered a great many catastrophes in my life. Most of them never happened.”

Mark Twain