Things to Remember



I find what I look for in people. If I look for God, I find God. If I look for bad qualities, I find them. I, in a sense, select what I expect, and I receive it. A life without challenges would be like going to school without lessons to learn. Challenges come not to depress or get me down, but to master and to grow and to unfold thereby.

In the Father's wise and loving plan for me, no burden can fall upon me, no emergency can arise, no grief can overtake me, before I am given the grace and strength to meet them.

A rich, full life is not determined by outer circumstances and relationships. These can be contributory to it, but cannot be the source. I am happy or unhappy because of what I think and feel.

I can never lose anything that belongs to me, nor can I possess what is not really mine.

To never run from a problem: either it will chase me or I will run into another just like it, although it may have a different face or name.

To have no concern for tomorrow. Today is the yesterday over which I had concern.

To never bang on a closed door: Wait for it to open and then go through it.
A person who has come into my life has come either to teach me something, or to learn something from me.

- Unknown

And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.

2 Peter 1:4



Illusions

Does this image appear to be moving?  Especially in your peripheral vision?

It's actually a static image, fixed and unmoving, but the design tricks our mind into believing otherwise. 

Is the center square green?  When you remove the background (brown) and the other remaining colors, you find that the center square is actually gray/black.

We must be very careful as we look at things in our lives, because our minds like to play tricks on us.  What we think we see, may not be what is actually there. Or when we look more closely, we may find images that we didn't first identify.

This is true, not only for this type of game that we play, but also for the relationships in our lives.  We only see the pieces that we look for, or that we're allowed to see.  Most of us hide a major portion of ourselves. This is to protect us from the daily damage that can be done by those around us, whether intentional or not. 

When I was teaching fourth grade, I placed a paper heart on the corner of each child's desk every morning.  When something happened to hurt that child in any way, they would tear a piece of their heart off.  All the pieces were kept in a special place in their desk and if something should happen during the day that made them feel good or better, they could put a piece back on their heart.  This was a signal to me and to their classmates what kind of day they were having.

The idea was to help us all recognize that even the tiniest thing said to someone else, even if the intention was good, can cause pain and damage to others.  Depending on other people and actions by them toward this person, a simple statement from us could be the 'final straw' on their stack of feelings for the day. If we saw that their heart had been torn to a very little piece left, we knew to reach out and help that person by extending a little extra kindness toward them.

The final lesson was that we started fresh every day.  When the day was over, there was nothing that could be done to undo it.  But tomorrow is a fresh start, a do-over.  With hope in our hearts, anything is possible.  

I was always amazed at the hearts by the time we went outside for our first recess:  10:00 a.m.  Many of those little hearts had been torn quite a bit in the first two hours of their day, some before they even got to school.  

I'm not sure that the long-term effects of this lesson were substantial for any of my kids, but at least during their year with me, more than just the 3 R's were addressed.  I've never understood how teachers and administrators believe you can address learning math or reading or science if your heart and your soul are hurting.  I'm not saying that one is more important than the other, I'm saying that you must address both to really help the child...or the adult.

I recently had a conversation with a man who is in the midst of some issues with the people that he works with.  He told me that he had been hearing the same thing from them for thirty years...they feel unappreciated, they feel they don't matter to him, they feel that what they do doesn't matter.  This man is very intelligent, is very strong, but when it comes to reaching people (and he's in the people business) he can't see their hearts.  He addresses the building and the program, but he doesn't know how to reach the people where it matters.  He feels badly about it, but he's lost in what to do.  

He sees the illusion, he sees the peripheral, but he doesn't see what's behind it.  It doesn't mean that he doesn't want to, he just never learned how and now, after thirty years in this business, he's wondering if he ever will. 

What he doesn't understand, is that to really see, he's going to have to make himself vulnerable.  He's going to have to open HIS heart and soul.  He can't get others to open theirs to him, if he's not willing to do the same.  That's the part people struggle with.  They've been hurt and let down so many times over the years that they have built a wall around their heart so that no one care tear it again.  The problem with this is that, while it does protect you, it also keeps you from the joy and the fun that you could also have, if you just take down the walls and take a chance. 

People like illusions.  They like to play the games of the mind, unless those games involve relationships with those closest to us.  Then they want sincerity and gentleness.  They want to know that when they risk extending their heart, that you will recognize their vulnerability and keep them safe.  Their hope is that you will see beyond the illusion to what is real and love them, all of them, anyway.    

April Showers or TeamWork



I went to a meeting at my new place of business last night.  We were having our first real thunderstorm of the season, complete with lightning and thunder.  My dog had very carefully hidden herself under the bed so I knew it must be a real storm, not one of those little things that floats over and leaves a little water.  It had been raining since about noon; nothing very heavy, just a nice, gentle rain, until suppertime when the thunder started.  Before very long, the lightning came as well. 

I ate a nice meal, earlier than I usually eat, so that I could get to my meeting, did the dishes all while listening to the sounds of spring outside my window.  When it was time to go, I made a mad dash to my car through the now heavier rain and drove the short distance to the building in which we would have my meeting.  I was all geared up, ready to go.  The board chairperson greeted me at the door with a rather distressed look on her face and asked if anyone else was with me.  When I told her no, that I was alone, she became more distressed.  She said, "There's water everywhere."

We are in a building that is finishing up a construction project.  They have added some new space to an existing building and have added an elevator.  It's been a year-long project which is in the final inspection stage now.  I had been told that there was a leak around a skylight and that it was small so when I joined her on the stairs I expected her to show me this small leak.  I was totally unprepared for the massive amount of water that filled three rooms, a hallway and was spreading into another room and down the stairs!

We stood in a couple of inches of water in one of the rooms.  All of the classroom equipment and supplies were stacked in the middle of the room in preparation for a sorting and cleaning project next weekend.  Chairs, tables, televisions, stereos, bulletin boards, construction paper, markers, cds, EVERYTHING was getting rained on....INSIDE!

Immediately, we started moving things from the north end of the room to the drier south end but we couldn't keep up with the inundation of water.  We decided to stop for a moment and call in reinforcements.  She got on the phone and I started looking through the rest of the building.  We each found more places that water was beginning to leak through the ceilings, but we also found more help.  Some grabbed mops, some grabbed towels and blankets, some grabbed brooms to push the water away from pianos and furniture. One wet home to get their shop vac.  A couple of men climbed up on the roof and attempted to find the cause of the problem and while there pushed more water off the roof.  Around twenty of us were bailing water just as quickly as we could, but as long as the rain continued we didn't make much progress...until all of us focused on one room, one area, one ceiling.

When we began to target the one room, all of us working to clear the room, drag down the wet ceiling tiles, mop up the water, find barrels to collect the new water, and stop the flow out of the room into the other rooms, then we began to make some progress.  When we got one room done, we moved to the next and within a short period of time (it didn't seem so short then) we hadn't necessarily stopped the water from coming in but we'd cleared the area, the water coming in had lessened as the rain slowed outside, and we had placed all manor of buckets, barrels, and trash cans to catch what was still coming in.

It was amazing what we accomplished when we stopped for a moment, created a plan of action, and then everyone worked TOGETHER to make it happen.  We had made some minor progress before; some things had been moved to safe locations, some water had been stopped, but only minor changes were taking place as each of us tried to make the situation better. TOGETHER we made a real difference.

After I got dried out at home and was drinking my cup of tea, I marveled at how like our every day life that little example had been.  We all scurry around trying to get things done and make it all work for good, but when we take the time to work with others, make a plan and then move forward, it all falls into place and everything works much easier.

The other amazing thing that happened through all of that:  I made a lot of new friends while we were splashing through the water together!  It's hard to do that kind of work and not make friends in the process.  At one point I turned around and there was a gentleman with an umbrella I did not know standing in the pouring rain, inside the building.  I just had to stand there and laugh, for at that point, crying was not an option (it may be today when I go back in there).  I went back to work and the next thing I knew he had put down his umbrella, grabbed a towel and was soaking up water just as quickly as he could, wringing out the towel, and soaking up more all on his hands and knees.  God Bless Him!!!

I just love these examples of relationships and teamwork that are placed before us!  What wonderful reminders that we are not alone in this life.  Thank You, Friends--Old and New!

Control Freaks



Is there someone in your life that seems to believe that the world could not possibly revolve without their guidance and attention?  As a recovering control freak myself, I am very aware of the impact one can have within a small community.  In my group of new friends here in southeast Nebraska, I have come across a woman who, bless her heart, really feels that she must be in control...of EVERYTHING!  She is a God-fearing, scripture-reading person who, I have no doubt, believes that what she is doing is right and good for everyone.  After all, who could possibly do what she does and do it better than her?

The interesting thing is, I think I could probably become good friends with this person.  I believe she has a heart that cares tremendously for others.  I believe that her intentions really are for good, but her methods leave others cowering in her wake and fearful of voicing anything that might be different from her opinions.  Rather than engaging her in a dialogue, folks have opted to go another way and steer clear of her which is difficult, for in this new institution where I work, she has inserted herself in almost everything.  Now, this could be a problem for me, because much of what she wants to do (or is doing), I have been charged with  by the "authorities."

So, how do I maneuver these new waters?  I have no doubt that I was placed in this position for a reason.  I have many, many years of experience so this is not the first time, nor probably the last, that I will face this challenge.  My mission is to find a way to channel her efforts to be a benefit to all, instead of a hindrance.  It is not my job to "put her in her place" or to usurp her efforts in any way.  As I see it, my mission is to help her find a way to work as a member of a group, using her knowledge and experience to enable the community to move forward as one entity, one joined body.  It is also my mission to help others find their voices when working with her, so that they don't worry about being shut-down or hurt by her efforts to guide and direct them. 

It really comes down to that old issue of effectively communicating, doesn't it?  We all talk to each other (although, I think at each other might be more appropriate).  We speak thousands and thousands of words every day and we know what we intended.  So why are there so many misunderstandings and disagreements surrounding our communications? 

The problem is the way in which we listen.  Each of us hears through our unique set of ears and experiences.  The word love can mean a million different things because what I have known as love in my life, may be entirely different than what you have known as love in yours.  So when I use the word love in my conversation with you, you immediately see the image that the word holds for you, while I see the word through my own image.  Now, imagine ALL of the words in our language and all the various meanings of those words.  It is no wonder that we have misunderstandings and hurt feelings!  We think we've spoken very clearly; we don't know how to say it any differently.  Likewise, we think we've listened very carefully and are certain that we understood exactly what they said.  And still, there are problems!

This is why it is so important that we never take for granted that what we said was understood.  We must make an effort to ask each other for clarifications, to be effective listeners, especially with people that we don't know so very well.  It's not difficult with our long-time, close friends.  We know each other.  We've shared experiences so that when I say, "I really love this person," she knows what I mean.  We've shared that image and it is the same.  But with someone new, you must build those bridges to understanding.  It takes time and a lot of effort on both parts, but, oh, the benefits are tremendous! 

The ability to really share with another person is what relationships are truly about.  The benefit of giving of yourself enough that another can 'see' into your soul is a gift that you can give.  Some are not able to do this.  They learned early on in their lives that giving at this level is not safe and therefore, they keep everyone, or almost everyone, at a great distance never showing the true self.  Because of this, everyone loses. 

So I am faced with this challenge.  I must make every effort to find a way to build a bridge amongst these people.  I have no idea whether or not I will be successful, but I know that God had best be going there before me or I have no chance.  I must trust that He will guide and direct my works so that everyone will feel loved and cared for when my work here is finished.  And, hopefully, when all is done and I move on to the next place, the people of this community will be better for the work we all did here. 

Blessings to you!

Decisions, Decisions



You know, most of the time I don't mind being a single woman.  I'm OK with eating by myself, either here at home or out in a restaurant.  I enjoy most of my evenings at home curled up with my dog watching television or reading a good book.  I don't mind, most of the time, being a single parent.  But there are times, when I really miss having someone to talk over big decisions with.  In my former community I had a good friend that I talked with.  She was my sounding board, and while she never really gave advice, she allowed me the opportunity to talk it over until I had worked it through for myself.  We'd sit and have coffee and spend the afternoon or evening or sometimes both hashing over my latest dilemma or hers.  She never seemed to mind while I went around and around the issue.  I valued her so much for this, and for so much more!

Now I am in a new place with new friends.  I love them all!  They have welcomed me into their homes and their lives and I thank them, but I don't have someone yet that I feel confident enough to share all my secrets and thoughts with.  You know, that friend that you know all of their stuff and they know all of yours and you just love each other any way.  I don't have that here...yet, and I miss it. 

I could pick up the phone and call my friend.  We could talk over the phone but it's not the same as sitting there, face to face sharing all of life with each other.  So, for the first time in my ten years of being single, I face life alone.  I have my God to talk things over with and it is always amazing to me how he places wisdom in front of me.  My scripture reading this morning helped me to remember that I really cannot control anything anyway and that He is always working in our hearts, even when we can't see it.  I cherish my relationship with Him, but I still miss that personal contact.  After all, He's the one that created us to have relationships, that personal contact.  My decision is not life shattering, especially when you ask the question I always try to remember...In five years, is this going to be a big deal?  I can't say that it will be, but it is a big deal today, for me.  I will work it out.  I always do and life will go on.  The process is just new to me, it's different and I have to find my new way.  And I will.

So my message today?  Appreciate those special people in your life, whoever they may be.  We never know just how long we will have them.  Tell them how much you love and appreciate them.  It's those relationships that give us the color in our lives.  They provide the highlights and get us through the low points.  Tell them how important they are to you and thank God for each and every one of them!